


Chicken Nuggets.

by cereal_whore



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: BUT I LIKE CRACK AND LIGHT HEARTED FICS TOO SO THIS MIGHT END UP JUST WEIRD, Domestic Violence, Implied Domestic Violence, M/M, but that's bad so, for iwaoi and matsuhana i meant, i actuallly dont know if i'll get to them but it's my intention to, i don't think i'll write anything too graphic., kyoutani has an abusive family, lol, there's mention of abuse, they're most definitely background romantic interests if i do include them., which isn't good irl and in story lfife
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2018-10-14 14:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10538589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cereal_whore/pseuds/cereal_whore
Summary: "Nah. I kinda always knew I was gonna be punched in the face." Yahaba shrugs at the blonde stranger. "I just can't believe I'm only worth ten bucks."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~OR:Yahaba realizes later that if he gets punched in the face, he'll be known as a badass across campus for going up against a scary guy who wears way too much eyeliner, but then he'll also be known as the guy who died over ten bucks that aren't even his and in McDonalds at five a.m in the morning.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> guys this chapter deleted itself like twelve times and i had to retype it so many times. Like I'm being serious when I say 'twelve'. LIEKJ:ALDKJKALS:JDF
> 
>  
> 
> also, please, read all of this. I know most of this is kinda boring, but trust me when I say especially the beginning part, is very very veryvVYERYER important to Kyoutani's relationship with his dad, and what his dad was like in the past.
> 
> Like please, I cannot emphasize this enough: PELAKDJS:AJFD read it.
> 
> ThANKS

"Hey-" Yahaba whirls around, caught off guard by the unfamiliar voice. Blinking, he's met with a shorter boy, with a nasty scowl that automatically causes his defenses to rise drastically. But, then, the boy's features soften, and Yahaba's once again, caught off guard by the gentle gaze of the stranger, is left frozen between running or pretending as if he hasn't heard him. Well, too late. "Um. This is gonna sound pretty bad, and like...well, like really bad."

"Okay?" Yahaba pays for his chicken nuggets first, and the waitress walks away, clearly seeing enough shit in McDonalds to ignore the strange boy in front of Yahaba, sporting foreign hair [who the fuck puts stripes in their hair] and holding a pair of brass knuckles with an expression that implies that he might rob the place. Actually, he's having his suspicions that the waitress wouldn't fully mind if someone set fire to this restaurant.

"Um. Some dude told me that they'd pay me ten bucks to punch you in the face with these." He holds up his weapon, and it glints ominously underneath the shitty fast-food restaurant's light. "So. Like, unless if you can make a better offer...I'm...actually gonna punch you." He flinches, clearly trying to convey an apology, but, Yahaba sees nothing but just utter impatience underneath the boy's timbre. So he isn't sorry.

The boy seriously wants to just punch him in the face and be done with it. 

"So. I'm gonna give you ten seconds to figure your shit out, before I punch you." he adds unabashedly, while flexing his fingers to adjust to an appropriate position with the brass knuckles.

"Okay."

He takes another bite out of his chicken nugget.

"You seem pretty chill about this."

"Nah. I kinda always knew I was gonna be punched in the face." Yahaba shrugs at the blonde stranger. "I just can't believe I'm only worth ten bucks." He adds offhandedly, and at this, an expression, crossing between amusement, and a scowl [even Yahaba himself heard how much of an arrogant ass he sounded right then], contorts the stranger's countenance.

"I kinda wanna punch you now even though you might have a better alternative choice."

"I really don't. I'm a broke college kid, and the most I can afford is chicken nuggets and these are a luxury. For the past eight months I've been surviving off of instant ramen." Yahaba adds nonchalantly.

"Great, I'm also a broke college kid. So, I kinda hope you understand why I need ten bucks." And at this, Yahaba feels the cold metal sting his cheek, only to be followed by the epitome of pain.

* * *

"You. Got punched in the cheek for ten bucks?" Oikawa's mouth has drooped down to his chest, and at this, Yahaba ashamedly strokes his tender bruise that surrounded the gash inflicted on his cheekbone. 

"Yes."

"Huh. We always knew you were gonna get punched." Hanamaki, who shares the dorm with Oikawa and Matsukawa, snorts. 

"Yeah, but just not before Oikawa," Matsukawa snickers, and at this, Yahaba's former senior flips his two dormmates off. "Look, but you can't blame the kid. College student? I mean, look, the only reason why we're good is because Iwaizumi happens to know how to cook. Lucky Kyoutani, he gets to live with Iwaizumi. He gets his dinner every night." he adds with a theatrically wistful sigh.

Yahaba really isn't sure who Kyoutani is, but he knows that he's Iwaizumi's roommate, and currently hated by Oikawa because according to him 'he's separating me and Iwa-chan'. 

Sighing, Yahaba stands up. "I gotta head back to my dorm. I promised Watari I would wash the dishes today." He says. "Thanks for having me here." He bows out of habit, and at this, Oikawa just waves and greets him out with a lilting tone, while Matsukawa and Hanamaki make faces behind their friend. Due to this, Yahaba leaves his friends' room with a smirk, before leaving to head back to his own.

Then, he hesitates, staring at the ground.

Ah.

How does one explain to their friend they willingly agreed to get punched in the face for five bucks not even for them?

 


	2. 1234657789[

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to make Kyoutani's life a lot worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like romanticizing problems, situations, or disorders in the world.  
> However, I receive a lot of complaints about the stories I sometimes write, and since i think I'm going to include an abusive background with Kyoutani, I just want to clear this up:  
> I don't mind if people inform me about what may be wrong about what I'm doing, in fact, I'm glad if you tell me. I'd rather not offend people without knowing. but if y'all gonna be dicks about it, I'll shove this story straight up your ass.
> 
> I don't write stories with sensitive topics because it's 'to romantic that someone's world is falling apart and there's someone there for them', like, I don't mind those stories. They're usually interesting, and it can happen irl.   
> But in real life, there are also people who find alternative solutions, in a better or worse way.  
> I write these sensitive topics solely because they give me a plot.  
> That's it.   
> I don't want to encourage romanticism with these situations, even though that may happen in real life, since anything can happen in real life.  
> So please, if you have a complaint, I don't mind you asking, but don't automatically attack me, saying I'm 'one of those people', whatever y'all mean by that.
> 
> Thanks for reading this.

Volleyball tryouts.

 

It almost feels like Aoba Seijou. With Oikawa, already as a sophomore in this college, has earned his spot on the team without question. And though it may be biased to think this, Yahaba is quite sure that his former teammate already surpassed the seniors of the team. He's not old enough to become leader, but knowing Oikawa, who trains desperately, hard, and constantly tries to surpass the limits and boundaries placed on his physical exertion-

He's still trying, even if it breaks him. He'd definitely become leader whether people hate that or not. His determination that borderlines obsession, is what makes Yahaba admire Oikawa, even though there are times when he seriously wonders how people takes him seriously.

And Iwaizumi, the same as ever, and flippantly ignoring Oikawa who's clinging onto his arm, is also on the team. Their tryouts were yesterday, as all of the tryouts are separated to different days based on year.

And now it's the freshmen's turn to try and land a spot on the team.

Yahaba doesn't want to fail. He wants to make it. He wants to become family once more with Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and even Hanamaki and Matsukawa who are at the side, slouching about and fiddling with a waterbottle. It's company he's familiar with, and recognizes, and volleyball is a source of pride for him too.

Drowning in his anxious concerns he won't make it on the team, the sound of the doors creaking shut behind him startles him out of his stupor. Turning around to face his competition, he freezes.

"Oh. It's you." 

"Ah."

* * *

  _"That's him? You got punched by him and yet your face isn't that bad though!"_ Watari's wheezing next to Yahaba, and though it may be wrong to think so, Yahaba inwardly prays that maybe this blonde stranger will approach Watari and punch brass into his fucking face too. "I think you got lucky! You're an idiot sometimes, what the hell were you thinking, having your face beaten up right before tryouts?" 

"Bye."

"Wait no come back I'm sorry-"

Unfortunately, Yahaba realizes that he hadn't really planned this out correctly, because in an attempt to escape Watari's smirking visage and half-assed apologies, he found himself skirting around other players and towards the guy who punched him in the face around less than twelve hours ago in a sketchy McDonalds with an undead staff. Whirling around in hopes of escaping, he stops, his legs automatically locking in place as the boy's eyes claps with his, and widen in recognition.

"Hi."

"Uh. Hi." The boy looks mortified to the point that Yahaba actually pities him, despite being the one with a disgusting black eye. "Um...how's...your eye healing?" he squeaks, clearly looking uncomfortable. And here, Yahaba thought he would've growled at him, due to his appearance. Maybe it's because he decided that he might as well have nice behavior out of guilt.

Maybe he's not that bad of a dude.

* * *

He's that bad of a dude.

It's been less than hour of _breathing_ the same air as this fucking punk, and Yahaba had to be physically restrained by Watari and even a couple glares from Iwaizumi, to make sure he doesn't strangle that jackass.

Either that kid thinks he's better than everyone else, therefore he doesn't think he should listen to them, or he just has an attitude problem. Yahaba believes it's a bit of both. Already, the boy shot down Oikawa, with his only reason to do so is 'he's annoying', and he has no control over his anger, strength, or mouth.

Yahaba bets he's going to quickly lose control over all three as well, if that boy doesn't shut the fuck up.

It's been less than ten minutes from the beginning, did Oikawa already christen him 'Mad-Dog', and it's been less than negative ten minutes and counting does Mad-Dog look ready to viciously rip someone apart. And Yahaba can't allow someone to look down on Oikawa, when they don't get it. They don't understand. They didn't know what Oikawa took to drag his team to victory.

So far, the only people who Mad-Dog hasn't necessarily growled away, were Matsukawa and Hanamaki. Then again, it's more like those two refuse to leave him alone despite his obvious discontent with their presences.

Kyoutani.

Kyoutani _Kentarou_.

How fucking ironic.

* * *

For some reason, Kyoutani Kentarou resurfaces in his thoughts at the most inconvenient times.

He's the reason why he tripped over himself during gym out of shock when his mind wandered.

He's the reason why he broke five rulers and two pens during the middle of AP Geometry. 

He's the reason why he was peacefully eating his lunch, but all of a sudden had an urge to stab his fork straight through his box. 

He was in the middle of showering, when he suddenly thought of Kyoutani, and he nearly dropped his bar of soap, slip in the tub, and accidentally killed himself within a span of three seconds.

He was the reason why shampoo got into his bad eye, and he started crying.

Fucking jerk.

* * *

Kyoutani seriously, seriously wanted to shove that Oikawa guy out the window.

But he refrained himself, and rather, relished in exerting all his anger and annoyance in his spikes during volleyball. He hopes he actually does make it into the team. It's not as if he has doubt in his skills, but he knows himself how he could act.

How he lashes out.

How he's standoffish.

He's not good for communicating with a team.

He knows how others see him. Perhaps Oikawa's nickname for him, no matter how revolting, is appropriate.

_Mad Dog._

His dad would love that name.

Entering his house, he steps over the dirty laundry that nobody bothered to do, while skirting around the cans of beer. He opens the fridge with a sharp tug. He wrinkles his nose. He's not necessarily picky, most of the time, but after eating canned tuna for eight days in a row, he's pretty sure his tongue is numb to everything by this point. Sighing, he grabs a tin can nevertheless, and peels back the cover while grabbing a plastic fork. 

It's not that bad, he tells himself. By this point, he's grown to the soft texture and the mushy chews that sounds even when he attempts to eat quietly.

It's not that bad, he tells himself, as he tosses the can away. It has a lot of protein, anyways. 

It's not that bad, he tells himself, as he stares eagerly at the ten dollar bill he managed to get, after punching that kid. 

It's not that bad, he tells himself, when he realizes he still can't use it on himself, but on his dog. Shiba's bag of food is running low, anyways.

Scowling as he ignores the creaking from upstairs [most likely his drunkass father with an equally drunkass woman], he runs to his room, and stores the cash away. 

Yes, he'll have to spend those ten dollars to purchase dog food for the only thing in his life he's not constantly mad at, but the thing is, he's almost there. It's been four years of saving through high school, and now, he's so close. He can finally move out and into that apartment. 

Yeah, the apartment is on the bad side of town, with dingy residents and drug dealers that don't care if they're out in the open anymore. And sure, he has to be careful since they're close to a redlight district and the last thing he needs is to be assaulted in any form, but, the apartment allows dogs. He plans on bringing Shiba with him. If he leaves her with his father, and he's gone, he's pretty sure his dad will lose any motivation to care for his husky, and end up killing her. At least in the apartment, his father won't be living with them. Besides, the pay is cheap, and he can always leave the apartment two hours beforehand if he wants to make it to his college on foot.

And maybe, if he has enough money, he can save up for a bike to ride to school.

Sighing as he tosses his ratty bag onto the ground, he feels instantly refreshed at that thought. 

He can finally leave home.

He could always move into a dorm. But unfortunately, he attended a rather expensive college. Through scholarship. Something that he was so grateful, so broken and shocked to receive. Even his father didn't believe him, and he still doesn't. He has no faith in Kyoutani. He still believes Kyoutani's making shit up and just going off in the daytime to wherever. 

But, the scholarship was to a famous college. A college with expensive dorms. It'd be cheaper and easier to just live off campus. Besides, living on the campus requires the risk of having to socialize with his neighbors.

Kyoutani would rather shout through the walls of a thin apartment to tell the other room to turn down the noise, than politely greet a neighbor on campus. Because he'd most likely fuck that up.

This college just wasn't meant for him.

All those students, all his classmates stared at him judgmentally. Clearly, they didn't think he was good enough for a scholarship, but they also didn't seem to believe he bought his way in. Everyone was polite, quiet, and only loud out of classes. 

Such as that Bokuto, who doesn't seem to have the ability to shut up for more than two seconds. Not that he was a bad guy, he's just somewhat of a disturbance, but he was interesting.

Kyoutani wasn't loud, he was quiet. And he's sure that's what scared everyone. Because apparently, you had to be a certain type of quiet, unless if you wanted to fall over the cliff of being rude, arrogant or scary.

You have to be a certain type of loud, if you don't want to borderline being the epitome of annoyance.

You had to be a certain type of politeness, if you don't want to toe the line of being fake.

You had to be  _a certain type of person_ , or else you were known as an attention seeker.

He hated this college. Everyone's judgmental, silently observant with an obvious facade of nicety to help disguise their disgust.

He loved this college. They accepted him for his grades, efforts, and academic performance. Not his appearance on his ID card.

Leaving his thoughts behind, he reaches into his bag, and slowly grabs the cheap laptop he bargained for, and waits for it to boot up. It takes forever, but he's still grateful for it.

He wants to become an author.

How stupid.

But, it's like volleyball. It helps him release his tension, helps him understand others through character analysis, and gives him an outlet to things he want to say, but has nobody to say to.

Other than Shiba.

But Shiba's a dick at times. Like when she started biting his ankle for no reason. 

But Shiba listens whenever he quietly whispers his stories to her, away from his father's ears.

Shiba is the only creature he trusts in this world.

 

 

 


	3. im alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Kyoutani vs. Yahaba 
> 
> who will win?
> 
> I place my bets on the locker and Watari. 
> 
> Also this chapter is pretty boring.  
> Just saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -:^)
> 
> Also i disappeared because the past week i went to my cousins house so whoops-  
> but i'm alive now  
> and i might have weekly updates  
> maybe  
> probably  
> hahahhahaha

"He knows who I am." Kyoutani wheezes, half-afraid. Not like he'd ever let that Oikawa-guy realize. Iwaizumi just nonchalantly shrugs.  _Easy for him to not care, he's been living with that demon since a kid._  

Kyoutani feels a sudden stab of pity for that boy.

He just awkwardly swallows the spaghetti his fake-roommate laid out for him. 

Iwaizumi actually doesn't have a roommate. Rather, the officials assigned him to this room, and because it's one of the older living spaces, it was made for only one person. Ergo, he literally lacks space for a bunking partner. And somehow, Iwaizumi explained to him, that his childhood friend, who also happens to be his closest friend, just  _might_ be out for Kyoutani's blood, because apparently, he wasn't aware of this 'single-room' bullshit, and believes that Kyoutani is Iwaizumi's actual roommate.

He might as well be, considering how for the past week of college, he bunked with Iwaizumi, who at first, insisted roughly that he takes the bed, but Kyoutani, who felt ashamed enough as he was for burdening his upperclassman, that he refused and claimed that he'll just take the sleeping bag, since Iwaizumi was already cooking for him. 

However, he wasn't aware, that taking up Iwaizumi's offer on a temporary place to stay, meant dealing with the childish jealousy Oikawa would feel. And honestly, the other day during volleyball tryouts, he wasn't even informed that Oikawa would be there, and since he had no appearance to identify him with, he was brutally attacked by thousands of glares that day from a certain lithe boy who he didn't even _know._ Actually, before he heard someone christen Oikawa by his name, he just thought that maybe he pissed off another person. Which wouldn't be strange, considering how he's pretty sure he has a restraining order from multiple guys he may have accidentally punched over yogurt in a certain middle school.

And this 'Oikawa', though he happily talked with Iwaizumi, while shyly refusing many proposals from students who came in to watch [honestly Kyoutani wonders if they were even allowed to be there], seemed to have a thing for hardened glares.

What a fucking kid.

Of course, he's not going to mock Oikawa in front of Iwaizumi, who clearly has a less clouded and shallow interpretation of his best friend's character, especially since Iwaizumi was kind enough to lend a hand to someone he randomly ran into in a public park.

That was one of the lesser points of his life.

He may have been exhausted after running away for a temporary amount of time to escape the toxic environment, and while resting on a park bench, fell asleep. And Iwaizumi, who happened to be jogging by, actually thought he died and so that lead to a very awkward conversation between them two strangers, when he woke up and found Iwaizumi panicking above him.

Kyoutani may have actually tried to punch him too, because he thought Iwaizumi was actually trying to steal whatever shit he has [that day, he had five gum wrappers].

So yeah. A 'lesser point' of his life. 

Next to punching a guy in McDonalds.

For ten bucks.

Wow he's a shitty person.

"What? Excuse me? Nobody can be shittier than Oikawa, at least. Take comfort in that." Iwaizumi snorts, startling him out of his thoughts of enlightenment, and he chokes on his noodles when he comes to another 'thought of enlightenment', that he must've said his last self-deprecating realization out loud. "Any...reason for randomly saying that? After ten minutes of just us silently eating?" Iwaizumi adds.

"Nope." Kyoutani replies with his normally guttural timbre, feeling somewhat embarrassed, but Iwaizumi doesn't seem scornful towards his language, nor does he seem unnerved. Rather he appears somewhat amused.

Then again he's lived with Oikawa for years. Who knows how twisted his mentality and perspective on things could be.

"Trust me. It's worse than you think." 

Shit he said that out loud again.

Kyoutani just resorts to shoveling another forkful of noodles that he clumsily twirled on his fork, into his mouth. He also tries not to laugh while swallowing a clump of food, when he fully digests what Iwaizumi implied by his previous statement. 

"So, you found a place?" Iwaizumi inquires. Right. An oddly, somewhat suffocating silence has tightened their lungs and screwed their mouths shut earlier, when Kyoutani attempted to casually inform his roommate that he could move out by maybe this month. Of course, he's a shitty conversationalist, especially if he's the one starting the actual talk. So he probably fucked that up. Which is okay considering how it could be worse, like when he once tried to buy a sparkly dog collar from Walmart and ended up being escorted out because the cashier thought he was 'being threatening', when Kyoutani just actually didn't know what he should say and glared the entire time.

At least Iwaizumi pretended as if he didn't mess up.

He actually presumes that Iwaizumi's probably relieved to dispose of him. He's quite scared of overstepping his boundaries with Iwaizumi. He's possibly his first friend since Kindergarten, after Suzaku from the sandbox [who he ended up being his ex-friend after they started kicking sand in each others' eyes because they started arguing over who'd be the king of the sandcastle they built], if the feeling's mutual. 

It's probably not.

"Kinda." Kyoutani murmurs, fixating his eyes on his now-empty plate. He really isn't optimistic about Iwaizumi's possible disdain for him, yet, he cannot help but hone in his ears, to try and pry apart Iwaizumi's tone in an attempt to detect any sort of relief.

But, Iwaizumi sounds genuinely upset: "kinda sucks. I'd be lonely without you." he mutters. "But hey, I'm glad you got your own place." He scoffs with mock displeasure, clicking his tongue while doing so. Yet he doesn't bother to obscure his grin.

This is why Kyoutani likes Iwaizumi. Attitude-wise, they're somewhat similar. Sure their personalities and ability of reading others is probably severely different, yet, Iwaizumi seems to have a good sense on how to socialize despite appearing to be the type who doesn't. He has the ability to match and adapt to Kyoutani's silent, quiet, snappish and impulsive mood and words. 

So maybe their attitudes are only similar due to their natural gruffness, tough love, and lack of mercy for some dude called Oikawa. He's pretty sure Oikawa's stalking him across the campus, by the way.

Which helps a lot. [Not the stalking, but the fact that Iwaizumi seems to know how to maneuver his way around Kyoutani's deranged personality].

Because Iwaizumi doesn't suffocate him with questions, or silence.

"Thanks. For helping me. And stuff." He adds randomly, his words tumbling out in one slur, and he feels blood and heat invade his reddening visage, as he peers down. He always becomes flustered whenever he has to say 'thanks'. Probably because he becomes immediately humiliated for it, considering how his town believes 'thank-yous' are a sign of submission or weakness, and, because the way he just thanked Iwaizumi probably sounded force and ungrateful, despite the fact he's actually trying to convey genuine thanks. 

It seems that Iwaizumi fathoms his way of doing things, though, because he just smiles and waves it off. "No problem."

Yeah he'll definitely miss Iwaizumi. 

But he knows he can't keep on invading Iwaizumi's space.

If he wants to keep living that is.

He doesn't put it past that Oikawa guy to resort to murder. 

* * *

 

"You're now known as the guy across campus who got punched in the face over chicken nuggets."

Yahaba chokes.

Slamming his mug of coffee back onto the table, he whips around furiously to Watari, who acts as if he hadn't just said a life-changing statement.  _"Excuse me-"_

"Hahaha, the waitress from McDonalds was even interviewed by a couple sophomores. Dude, you're famous."

 _"That wasn't even what happened!_ Oh my God I do not want to be known as a guy who  _got beaten up over chicken nuggets_."

"I don't know, it doesn't sound  _that_ lame."

Yahaba swears that he was done with Kyoutani.

Apparently not, considering how his entire reputation, during the second day of college, already caved in and  _died_.  _"Kill me."_ Yahaba groans, and at this, Watari just snickers, while stroking Yahaba on the head in what he interprets as soothing.

It's fucking weird, that's what it is, not soothing. At least he tries to convince himself that as Watari's magical fingers massage into his hair. 

"You were the one who told Kyoutani to go for it." Watari shrugs.

_"That jerk!"_

"You consented." He raps Yahaba on his head with his knuckles in a chiding manner. "Who's fault is that, really?" He clicks his tongue scornfully. "Anyways, Kyoutani isn't that bad. I have him in some of my classes-"

At this, Yahaba once again, nearly chokes. Just this time, on air, rather than the blessing of overworked students, coffee. 

"Wait. But you're in honors and AP courses. All of your courses are advanced."

"Yeah?"

_"He's in advanced courses?"_

"Yes." At this, Watari's wry smile has curled into a frown of disapproval. "Don't judge him so quickly. Really. He doesn't talk a lot in most of my classes, but during English, we were supposed to have a group project-"

"A group project on the first week of school?"

"It's a college, suck it up." Watari snorts. "But, he had a lot of good ideas, knew what he was doing, and did like more than two-thirds of our essay on this shitty computer of his and wasn't loud, angry or anything throughout the time we spent together. He's chill."

Yahaba purses his lips. He's sure that Watari mistaken Kyoutani's silence. He can practically imagine Kyoutani's quiet manner as nothing more than just a superiority-complex. He's well aware he can be rather set on first impressions, but to be fair, he gave Kyoutani a benefit of a doubt: his first impression was punching his face. But that was more of his choice, so he gave him leeway.

However, someone who treated everyone with such coldness and obvious disdain, is not someone Yahaba will attempt to understand easily. The way that Kyoutani automatically pushed everyone away during volleyball tryouts, and was quick to scowl and disrespect others, he just simply can't deal with that sort of personality. 

He knows Watari can be friendly and easy to communicate with, so therefore, he guesses that even someone like Kyoutani must feel obliged to be kind towards. 

"Anyways, I want instant ramen. They're selling some at that nearby convenience store, let's go." Squawking as Watari swipes his cup away, he storms out of the Starbucks of their campus, and follows.

* * *

It seems as though they do have a class together.

Fuck.

Yahaba automatically pretends as if he doesn't see Kyoutani, in the back of the room. The class he's attending right now, alternates throughout the days, therefore he didn't have it yesterday. And here he assumed he was delighted with his schedule. 

No matter.

As long as he doesn't have to associate himself with Kyoutani other than just an old memory of some guy in McDonalds who slammed a pair of brass knuckles into his eyes. Nothing more.

* * *

"Oh."

 _Oh?_ Yahaba wants to whack the boy across the face. 

Or punch him with a pair of brass knuckles.

Whichever opportunity with lesser consequences decide to appear first.

"You shouldn't disrespect your upperclassmen." He snaps. Clearly, Kyoutani doesn't seem remotely fazed, nor bothered, after Yahaba decided to chide him, while expounding exactly what sort of attitude he was imprinting on the rest of the players. 

"Well, you shouldn't be scolding me as if you're better. I wasn't disrespecting them. They were annoying." He purses his lips, knotting them into a scowl, his amber eyes clapping with his, and harshening into a deeper glower.

"I'm scolding you because you clearly have no conduct over your behavior!"

It's after class, and after seeing Kyoutani doodling in his notebook with little attention fixated on the class, he knows for sure that Kyoutani's the type to buy his way into college without actually emphasizing on his efforts or relying on hard work.

That's what really pushed him to scorn him for his behavior after class.

"Conduct over my behavior? Aren't you the one who's being acting as if someone shoved a stick up your ass?"

"Language!"

"Do you even care."

Yahaba doesn't grace him with an answer. In all reality, he's ready to start spitting out cusses that would make a sailor go deaf if it comes down to winning this motherfucking argument. 

He refuses to be shot down by a delinquent who rides on nonchalant personalities he deems as 'cool' and reputation, rather than caring for how he treats others. 

"I'm just saying. Stop being an asshole to Oikawa."

"Oh. Of course, even  _you're_ like him."

Pursing his lips, Yahaba, by this point, is past the point of compassion nor composure, despite attempting to remain collected within appearance. By this point, he's only bitterly lashing out words with the intention to hurt, while lacking any sort of support from rational thinking and mercy.

"You're Iwaizumi's roommate, right? I bet you think you can push down on us and your senior, Oikawa, because of that? You're really a dumbass, caring about how you look to others, all cool and shit when in reality you treat others in a way that nobody would ever care to look your way other than to use as a spitbucket. Riding on your parents' money? Others' reputations, and maybe your daddy's name to get into this school? Have you got no shame?"

"Have you got no shame for accusing me of things you don't even know about?" By now, Kyoutani's lips are pulled back in a snarl to reveal his teeth, as his fists are clenched so tightly that one could see the skin whitening as its stretched over his knuckles, yet flushed red at areas due to the intensity of his grip. "And me? Riding on my parents' money? Fuck you, you look like one of those boys who listen to what their parents' say and because your mommy says your special, it makes you feel as if you have the authority to call everyone else on bullshit that you actually do yourself. Get the fuck out of my sight before I shove my shoe so far up your uptight ass that you taste my shoelaces-"

Yahaba's ready to slam and strangle him against the lockers, until he feels a shove to the side.

"You guys are screaming in the hallways and I don't need two of my friends suspended because of a fistfight and bad insults within the first five days of college." Watari deadpans, his voice flatlining quicker than his will to live.

The moment he forcefully drags a reluctant Yahaba away from Kyoutani who looks ready to lash his anger out on the closest living thing next to him [that'd explain the wide berth given to him by onlookers], Yahaba whips around to face Watari with a wounded countenance of betrayal. "Did you just call him your 'friend'?"

"Unlike you, I have the ability to make friends. It's not really that big of a deal, most people can do it."

"Watari!"

"I'm starting to see why Kyoutani punched you."

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -rip Kyoutani

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please read all of this-
> 
> I know, you might not really consider this important or you might get bored, but it gives you another approach of Kyoutani's father and mother, as well as what they were like in the past.
> 
> Also-  
> hahahhaha I'm sorry fi this story is slow. I go slow-burn because i suck at writing anything else.

Kyoutani considers himself lucky. Unlike many other victims of abuse or household situations, they don't get to see anyone. Their fears, or abusers, are normally obsessive, impulsive, and allow jealousy, rage, and every element of negativity to overtake their rational viewpoint as they devour their victims' control over their own lives. But, Kyoutani's own "fear", doesn't give a shit. His father frankly doesn't care where he goes. 

It really shouldn't bother him. 

He's lucky, that he's not the constant thought swirling a brain whose only trajectory of thinking is twisted and deranged. He's lucky, that his father isn't controlling, degrading and obsessive to an extent where he could seriously get hurt. 

So that's why he's disgusted that he feels consistent, heartfelt throbs that yank at his inner thoughts and mentality, that his father doesn't pay attention to him. He's disgusting. He should be happy, his father is always more attentive to his drink, more caught up with trying to cling onto any sort of motivation to even bother heading to work, or to disguise the domestic abuse that takes place in his house. 

He should be grateful, that his father rarely glances his way.

He should be grateful, that he could leave the house without a single utter, as long as he's obedient and quiet to an extent. 

The only time his father is actually shitty enough to be considered as bad as those who are trapped underneath the will of those who consider them objects of possession, is when he's simply pissed off. When his father's pissed off, that's really the time when he's scared.

He's frightened because he can't find himself to get mad at his father.

It's not like his father's tears will ever justify his shitty excuse of being a parent, but Kyoutani is well aware, that his father himself, isn't a bad guy. He's just not meant to hold a child after his brain locked down, refusing to allow itself to be happy after Kyoutani's little brother died along with his mom.

Kyoutani honestly thinks him just lounging around the house is just making things difficult.

His father can't heal with him walking about. He's a constant reminder of his failure. His failure on being a good dad. If anything, Kyoutani pities his father.

He remembers when he was fourteen, and when his father began to discover the symptoms of binge drinking. 

Being isolated from everyone, rarely ever communicating with anyone other than his dog, he didn't understand domestic abuse. He's never experienced other families. He thought it was perfectly normal, because even though he's never really socialized, even he was aware that it was common among society for punishments of a kid was being bad. And being raised in a household where only his dad stuck out long enough, he figured though his father was doing things that hurt, things that he didn't like, was acceptable: a way to make him learn.

It was only until his senior year at high school, when all the parents came to graduation excluding his-

He realized that almost none [that he could see, at least] of the parents treated their kid cruelly. He fathomed his father's ideals and responses enough to be well assured, that if his father was there, he would've greeted Kyoutani with an embrace, only to hiss into his ear,  _'we're going home'_ and they won't ever extend the happy atmosphere from the ceremony, to their car and house.

He always assumed his father hid his reprimanding shouts, excruciatingly painful punishments, and just constant breakdowns, because that's what every other parent did. 

It was clear, that when he was approached with the scene of genuine grins and lax and tearful faces of his class, that every assumption he conjured out of obliviousness and lack of knowledge on society and regular households, was obscenely false.

And that's when he began to perceive his father in various other perspectives.

It took him awhile to even understand why his father would treat him like this.

He still doesn't. 

He could reach to a shallow conclusion, that his father simply snapped underneath all the pressure that decided to bed on him, dragging down his motivation, esteem, happiness and will to attempt to find a life he could possibly heal in. So, with that state of mind, Kyoutani allows his father to beat him. Because he can't possibly turn his back on his father, after everything in life did. His father needs help, he's lashing out, because he simply doesn't know how to deal with all the anger.

Maybe that's why they're so alike.

They both don't know how to convey emotion. They don't know how to control it. So they just force all of it down, and ball it together into 'anger'. Because that's all they can do: become angry. 

Kyoutani simply hates himself in general, because his outlet is exactly the same as his father. No wonder he can sympathize with him within months of the realization of figuring out regular families don't hit their kids out of sheer authority where their is no lesson, no moral. They're just spawned out of pure anger, frustration and cruelty of wanting to confirm that at least they have one sense of authority when they lost everything else.

Kyoutani's way of releasing anger is painstakingly similar to his father's. The moment he flares up, his anger bristling, he's quick to start snapping out his limbs, crunching his knuckles against anything that simply breaths. He never really punched anyone innocent-just bullies. Honestly, he doesn't mind people who rear sneers, nasty words and judgmental countenances. To him, as long as they do it first, that's all that really concerns him. He won't attacked unprovoked, but if a kid even makes a simple, mere remark-

It'll already crack the little amount of resistance he has. Every other bit of the said resistance against the temptation of breaking, was already spent on every other whirling emotion in the hurricane shredding through him from his situation, his household, his fear for and from his father-

And all of it will flood into his anger, all of the emotions seeking for a sense of comfort. Anger. He's always angry. He can't help it. But it's really, the only emotion he can remotely comprehend in his head. 

No wonder he gets kicked out of school so much.

Curling his fist, he wonders if the teachers or students would report his fight against that boy with the stupidly swept hair. Whose hair molds into such a perfectly neat shape? What the fuck? It's so stupid. So are his leering lips and the look of criticism and disapproval that glossed over his narrowed eyes. Honestly, Kyoutani's surprised he didn't automatically buried his fist straight into the grave christened Yahaba Shigeru's Fucking Face.

Especially since he made such cliche and such irrational claims. He always assumed Yahaba was smart, and wouldn't be quick to jump to such conclusions, especially ones that he can't automatically prove-he seemed strategic and cunning with humans.

Apparently not.

Dumbass.

At this, he directs a snarl at no one in particular, but, it works as expected: the crowd of shocked onlookers quickly disperse, leaving the hallways sparse and easy for him to travel through. Tightening his grip on his backpack, he silently believes that Watari is a Godsend, considering how he was quick to drag away Yahaba before Kyoutani could seriously consider snapping his elbow back and launching it back at his face-

And, surprisingly, Watari didn't bother to voice out a thought that Kyoutani started it, as most would when they take a glance at his obvious ferocity, frustration and demented aura incorporated with his glower and appearance, and rather, seemingly chided Yahaba. Kyoutani definitely won't look too much into it, as it's possible Watari just happened to be a fair guy, and not necessarily looking out for Kyoutani in specific, but he's still pleased that at least someone, someone didn't fucking turn on him despite the situation.

it's...honestly a relief.

Kyoutani doesn't remember the last time someone backed him up, except for Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi is different, he's a blessing from the Broke College Kid God.

A deity of some sort. 

But, other than Iwaizumi, truly, the last person who even bothered to glance at him was-

His fist curls tighter around the straps of his bag, as he quickly speeds to his next class, his head suddenly cloudy as his memories suppress themselves.

One would believe that his mother would've looked out for him. That she was his source of light, and same for his father, but tragically passed, therefore breaking his father and shattering his innocence.

Fucking false.

His mother broke any childlike innocence he had way before that event took place.

If anything, his father was the real savior while his mother was the merciless one.

No wonder, he's just like his father. 

His father hates himself, because he turned into his mother. Every time he sees Kyoutani breathing, he recognizes his failure of protecting his son from everything he said he would. His father hates himself, and Kyoutani hates himself too-

Because he was the one who broke his father. 

 

He's not going to make it to class, he quickly realizes, as he skirts into the bathroom, his legs buckling.

* * *

"Kyoutani, pay attention!"

He whips around to the source of the shout, and snarls, his lips stretching back to reveal his grinding teeth, as he bristles towards Yahaba, who just glares back coldly. 

It's been a month since Kyoutani transitioned to this new college, and honestly, he's happy he's here. Yes, he's not particularly fond of a select few, however, most just go out of their way to avoid him, therefore, he's fine. He has Iwaizumi, who is happy to be his unknowing role model, and almost a caring older sibling character to Kyoutani. 

Oikawa's a dick.

But, while Kyoutani does everything within his authority to actively avoid him, Oikawa just reappears, blinking owlishly, before criticizing him harshly for posture or some shit. Though he shoves Oikawa off all the time, he grudgingly admits that he's definitely not an air-head, and if anything, he's scary. Not to be trusted, though his knowledge and leadership skills [despite not even being their team leader] are credible.

And then there's Watari and Yahaba.

Watari is chill.

He's honestly not that bad, and attempts to make conversation with Kyoutani, and even sometimes, drop in during break with his lunch, to talk to him about whatever. Kyoutani appreciates it, though he's really not sure what are exactly Watari's intentions or motives, he's still inwardly grateful for company. It does get fairly lonely.

He didn't really feel lonely before.

Probably because he couldn't experience it, since he never had the sensations from being around others in a positive manner. But now he does, it's addictive. He actually expects, hopes,  _thinks_ that he's going to see Watari each day, even though just three weeks ago, he would've assumed it was a one-time thing or such, where Watari just wanted to appear for a bit out of friendliness, before moving on. Nothing more.

Biting into his sloppily made sandwich, he's grown accustomed to seeing a figure actually approach him [the first time, he flipped so hard he nearly slammed his lunchbox into Watari's face out of shock (repeat, one of his lesser moments)], and this time, he actually initiates the greeting first, rather than have Watari wave and him grunt in response. Hesitantly, he waves towards Watari, who positively beams. 

Kyoutani doesn't smile.

But he's happy too.

Then he sees Yahaba.

_HahahhahahafuCKING SHIT I WANT TO DIE-_

He instinctively ignores the other boy, as Watari flops onto the bench he's seated on. Kyoutani likes being outside. Ergo, he prefers the college's grounds, where the location is beautiful with great weather. Offhandedly, his mind wanders to how Shiba would love this tolerable weather.

Well, it was tolerable until a certain bitch entered the premises. 

Or-well, fine. He really shouldn't call Yahaba a bitch, he just happens to have a bitchy attitude. That's all. He shoves a large hunk of his limp sandwich, to avoid having to greet Yahaba first. "I....have to go do homework." Yahaba begins, his voice stiff and showing obvious disdain, as his expression remains cautiously blank, and his eyes fixated on his friend. Not once sparing a pathetic glance towards Kyoutani. He also stays standing, therefore refusing to sit beside Kyoutani, like how Watari did earlier with ease. 

"No, no." Watari harshly nudges Yahaba with his foot, and Yahaba whines in discomfort. "You can do your fucking essay later." He snaps with a lilting tone. "You and Kyoutani here, are on the same volleyball team, don't forget. And so am I. And I consider both of you my friends, and you guys have to start cooperating and getting along during practice, or else you two may cost us something actually important-unlike your fucking rivalry." He chirrups insultingly with a peppy tone. 

Kyoutani, feeling embolden and somewhat startled by being called 'friend' by Watari, sets down his sandwich on the plastic wrap crinkled over his lap, and actually glances at Yahaba. Yahaba's countenance is one of a dead man's.

_Me too._

Kyoutani isn't sure how he feels about being labeled as a 'friend', by Watari. It's not like he doesn't desire a friendship, one that's genuine and supportive, it's just that he's unsure on how honest Watari is. Watari definitely isn't the type to be feign happiness, but he definitely seems like the type to fake compliments and comments because he doesn't want to insult or hurt someone. And, Kyoutani himself, he's well aware on his non-existent social skills, and he's pretty sure that once Watari gets in deep with him, he's going to regret it.

Therefore, he's not really sure if he wants to pursue a relationship that he knows he can't keep.

"Um. So....what homework do you have to finish?" Kyoutani finally says, wincing slightly. He didn't expect himself to be the one to initiate the conversation. Sure, he'd respond if someone talked to him, normally with a grunt of agreement or just shake of his head, however, he never thought he'd actually invest any sort of effort into the actual conversation. Watari must be guilt-tripping him.

That dick.

Guilt-tripping him into trying to make friends.

What an asshole.

"Um. English." Yahaba answers hesitantly, his dilated eyes conveying shock. Great. So it is weird if he does talk first. 

Watari intervenes once more, clasping his hand across Yahaba's shoulder. "Right! English is your worst subject." He adds nonchalantly. Yahaba squawks indignantly, and smacks his friend's hand away. "But....Kyoutani, you're pretty good at English, right?" Kyoutani reluctantly nods, a sense of trepidation sending the tiny hairs pricking the back of his neck bristling up. 

"Great! Study group! Saturday! My house! Let's go!"

Kyoutani scarfs the crust of his sandwich into his mouth, skirting around actually responding to that. Because for one, Watari's smile, stretched across his features and obviously plastered on, conveys that he's desperate to get them to at least cooperate with him. Yahaba on the other hand, has absolutely no sympathy for Watari. "I'm busy Saturday."

"Yahaba you're lonely and a shut in, you actually have no friends or life. You're free, trust me."

"No, I'm busy dealing with your bullshit."

"Don't fucking swear in front of the kid-" Watari bickers, and Kyoutani, realizing that he's the one christened 'kid', chokes on the dry pieces of crust. 

"Wait, why am I the kid-" 

"Shhh, Child, the adults are talking-" Watari hushes Kyoutani without bothering to look at him.

"Watari I'm not doing this!"

"Never mind, I lied, the adult is talking. Children have no say. Therefore, only I make the decisions-"

"Wait why was I demoted from being an adult, I'm clearly the only one who's thinking rationally here-" Yahaba whines.

"I hate all of you." Kyoutani, used to snarky remarks, wasn't able to prevent that from slipping out. They stare at him, and Kyoutani feels a puddle of regret pool through his thoughts. Shivering, scared that they'll actually be offended, he quickly submits to staring at the crumbs of his pathetic lunch, trapped in the balled up plastic wrap.

Right. His lunch. He just scrounged whatever he could through the bare refrigerator, in hopes of creating any sort of lunch that could stave off hunger for the day. Their rice cooker finally broke, after one of his dad's alcohol-fueled tantrums. It's now in shards, tied safely in a plastic Walmart bag after Kyoutani cleaned it up off of their kitchen floor, so that Shiba doesn't injure himself on the plastic smithereens. 

 _Ah, that reminds me, I have to find another way to create dinner for Dad,_ he reminds himself thoughtfully. But, it's a Friday, ergo, his father will probably be out, spending his drinking buddies' money at a bar, so he won't be home until the next morning, or not even then. So, he still has quite a while to create a meal for his father, even without the usual rice.

"Kyoutani-" Submerged in his thoughts, Kyoutani started at the sound of his name. Blinking owlishly, he glances upwards to see Watari, snapping his fingers, while Yahaba glowers at him with an unimpressed countenance. Kyoutani itches to flip him off.

He doesn't.

Really, Yahaba should consider Watari a Godsend.

"Yes?" Kyoutani replies, after realizing that Watari's expecting a response.

"You are free, tomorrow, right?" He asks, concern laced with his words. Genuine concern. When was the last time he was able to detect that in anybody elses' voice, specifically directed towards him in any sentence? At all?

That just fuels Kyoutani's want for this study group. Even though his hands are becoming clammy, and he fidgets, beginning to finger the maw of the lacerations of his worn out jeans, his nervousness doesn't overcome his yearning for at least making any friends, for the first time in his life. Though he's well aware he'll regret this want later, especially when he starts to become anxious over the concept of keeping friends, he still wants to experience it. He wants to make relationships with others, other than his dog.

Not that he'll value anyone over Shiba. Shiba's too special for that bullshit.

"Ah, depends, what time?" Kyoutani rarely hears his voice shy and uncertain as this. He never speaks confidently, just deadpanned-monotone. Especially whenever he's facing his father, he only ever incorporates fear into his words, because if he remains impassive or listless to his father, without crying or responding emotionally, he'll take it as a sign of rebelliousness and continue with whatever immoral act he was doing to Kyoutani at the time.

But never, has he ever sounded submissive to anyone else. 

Except to his dog.

His dog is always considered an exception.

"Um....maybe tomorrow in the afternooon? Maybe twelve, and we'll just stay as long as we want?" Watari offers.

Kyoutani feels his heart plummet down his gut.

He really wants to go.

Despite all the fear-

_He really wants to go._

But he knows his father will be home around that time. He's expected to be at home, unless if he's at school or at work. And his working hours are night shifts. And he doesn't want to skip any of his shifts, because, he's so close.

So fucking close-

He almost has enough money to buy that shitty apartment that represents a safe haven to him.

Just one more week of work, and he can finally move out of his home and still have a place to live with Shiba.

He doesn't consider skipping a single day of work, even for something that could twist around his life and lackluster life.

"I can't." Kyoutani's not really surprised (even though months ago he would've) to notice that he had to force those words past the scorching lump of regret and remorse that's diving down his throat. "I'm busy during that time, and at night too." He adds.

Definitely, especially Yahaba, would consider his words as pure rejection and just excuses to prevent this study group from happening. They wouldn't know that he really wanted this, they'd just assume the obvious: Kyoutani doesn't want to go. Kyoutani doesn't want to make friends. Kyoutani's trying not to be an ass about this, so let's just accept his response and go before he gets mad.

"Oh. Well, what about today?"

Kyoutani blinks, startled by Watari's disappointed yet hopeful voice. 

"I mean. I guess I could." His father wouldn't be home today, especially if he'd be hanging out with his alcoholic 'friends' who are just leeches and cling onto each other for money to waste on cheap booze. And, his work shift begins around six, and ends at twelve. They get out around the afternoon, and he'd definitely have perhaps three hours to spend with them. "Yeah, it can work." Kyoutani echoes, trying to indicate that he's serious about this, and wants to go. But judging by his gruff tone and quiet uttering, they probably assume that he's just nonchalant about all of this.

"Great!" Watari beams. "See you after school! For now, I have to go find Bokuto, I need to ask about the volley ball uniforms...." 

Kyoutani's fingers tears the hole in his jeans into an even larger one, as he exhales a shaky breath the moment the two leave. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Kyoutani's happy  
> -psyCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized my typing's super long. I'm really sorry about that, hahaha.
> 
> But I don't split my chapters in half even though I probably should, considering how long they sometimes end up.
> 
> adlkfsj;vw we
> 
> Sorry if this chapter's middle is somewhat boring, or if there's less plot happening/dialogue. I tend to focus a lot on how others' see things and perspectives, but since I do it so much i t might be somewhat redundant or boring, so hahahahha sorry.
> 
> If so, I would actualy want you to tell me, like seriously I love constructive criticism, or criticism in general. They're interesting, I don't get offended very easily.

Kyoutani's kinda glad he attempted to dress decently today. He's wearing his nicest hoodie and only pair of jeans that have yet to fray-even though there are two dangerously large patches of white where the material is raw and thin, threatening to rip. Well, he tried. Nothing he can really do with his dark circles, though. There are days when he'd just apply a thick line of eyeliner over the puffed waterlines and blotches of purple in an attempt to try and obscure them [yes, because if you have dark circles, the solution should be to try and look as if you're part of a metal band because that's better than letting everyone know you stay up until five trying to figure out why he needs to know how to write a twenty page essay on the difference between ravioli and macaroni].

But, he's admitted defeat that there's no way he can hide the entire area of purple that blossomed underneath his eyes, or the small capillaries swollen and broken, so he figures that it doesn't matter, because he's in college and in college everyone looks like they're five seconds away from collapsing so he fits in quite well, in his opinion. And, Watari invited him while he looked like shit earlier, so eh. 

Throughout class, he continuously fidgets in an attempt to prevent himself from becoming crossing into his alternate universe where his imagination and thoughts correlate to create situations of what might happen with Yahaba and Watari. Fidgeting is what keeps him concentrated, actually. Wobbling his knee, cracking his knuckles or rapping his thigh with the end of his pencil is what keeps him in check, to make sure he's still half-attentive in class, and keeping the other half of his mind on lease from wandering into his dream-world too long.

But really, he's anxious of what's going to happen this afternoon. Despite the fact that Yahaba looks like a creampuff and a fucking asshole and  _is_ a fucking asshole, if it comes down to it, he's willing to say that he's not a completely bad dude. And Kyoutani, who's never been offered a chance from others to prove himself, his real personality and not the one conjured from rumors, fear and just shallow comments from him thrown about, doesn't want to mess this up even though he has the impulse at times to shove Yahaba into a trashcan.

"Class, write down notes, we're going to symbolize these blue curtains now with a thesis because this is definitely going to be useful in your later life...."

* * *

"KYOUTANI!" Said boy practically shutters at the sudden call of his name, and nearly trips over a fucking bench. "HEY!" He whips around to find the source of the noise. Watari, flailing one of his hands excitedly and rushing over with a gleeful countenance, whoops when he finally lands in front of Kyoutani with a skip. "Great, thought we lost you. Let's go!" He chirrups, and at this, Kyoutani nods curtly out of shyness, and instinctively tightens his grip on the straps of his backpack, and yank them downwards and protectively.

Yahaba saunters up from behind Watari, glancing at Kyoutani, but, his expression isn't one that Kyoutani expected. Not disgust, contempt, or just general reluctance. Rather, it's scrutinizing him, but not necessarily in a negative way even though Kyoutani's pretty fucking sure it's in a negative way. Kyoutani doesn't know how to read it, so he just classifies it as condescending, and ignores his gaze. "Let's stop by Yahaba's house!"

"What why mine?"

"Yahaba nobody cares if your room is messy. Let's go." Watari scoffs, and at this, Kyoutani angles his head at this new information. He always assumed by how Yahaba is basically anal and pissed about everything that doesn't fit his view of things, that he'd be sticky about the cleanness of his room. Kyoutani is. He rarely has any belongings to decorate said room, so he guesses it's not like it's easy to make his room messy, anyways, but he's sure to make his bed and fold away his clothes.

His mother would always tell him that it's good to fold his clothes, through shouts and glares whenever she stood at the doorway of his room, flicking ashes onto the floor from her cigarette and then waving the cancerous stick near his watering visage as the smoke stings his eyes, telling him to clean up the ashes, and then grinding the cigarette butt onto the floor as well. 

He always cleans the house.

Always sweeps up the glass fragments of a shattered beer bottle.

Always was sure to attempt to scrub out any stain of alcohol from the carpet, but the stench never leaves.

Always cleaned up puddles of vomit on the floor.

As if he could try and make it up to his father.

Never to his mother. He doesn't owe his mother anything. 

"Why can't we go to your house? It's closer." Yahaba gripes.

At this, Watari just smacks him lightly in the shoulder, while Yahaba groans loudly. Though Kyoutani basically gets shook every time Yahaba so much breathes- for some reason, even though Yahaba moaning makes him want to stab him with his lunchbox, at this sight, where Yahaba is obviously complaining in what Kyoutani can recognize as a routine of bickering between the two, he finds it rather endearing. A friendship where the two of them are truly never irritated by each other, but rather, is able to read each other so easily.

"Because your mom actually lets you buy sugary snacks and it's been seven days since I had Coco Puffs and I'm gonna die from a lack of sugar consumption." Watari replies simply. "Also, I want to see Kyoutani's reaction when he realizes you have a collection of more than two hundred Pokémon cards-"

Kyoutani nearly trips as Yahaba shoves Watari into a nearby bush. "Oh." Kyoutani states as Watari writhes, and at this, Yahaba just turns to him with a scarily dead look in his eyes, and says,

"Yeah.  _Oh."_

 _Nice to know that Yahaba is actually the spawn of Satan,_ Kyoutani thinks offhandedly in the back of his head as he walks up to try and help untangle Watari from the brittle branches, shuddering as he cranes his neck back to see Yahaba staring at Watari mirthlessly.  _And this is his relationship with an angel, oh okay._   _This is fine._  

Feeling awkward, since Kyoutani is well aware of his reputation as a nasty, ruthless boy from the dysfunctional streets, he feels uncomfortable revealing a softer side. It's not like he likes this personage people created for him to wear, rather, he's so comfortable since he's been forced to follow this unwanted reputation for so long, that he actually feels lame doing things that are deemed 'cool' by bad-boy standards. However, he supposes that even though people probably think he's from a biker gang who drowns puppies in sewer water even though in reality, he exists to solely eat fried chicken-

He decides that he might as well try to drop the cool and asshole exterior if he wants to make friends and impress others.

So, he yanks Watari out.

Another reason why he was reluctant on helping out Watari: Yahaba looks like he's going to kill everybody in this entire school and then himself if Watari opens his mouth again. 

Watari either doesn't notice it, or is used to Yahaba's sudden and apprehensive viscous attitude, since he just claps Kyoutani on the back, who stiffens from inexperience, and promises to buy him chicken nuggets. 

Upon hearing the word 'chicken nuggets', Yahaba actually fucking launches his backpack at Watari, and Kyoutani, who has no idea what's going on and not really sure what set off Yahaba, just watches as Yahaba attacks his friend in the middle of the school campus, while awkwardly avoiding eye contact with other students who stare and sweats as some takes out their phone camera.

* * *

"This is Minnie. Don't touch her." Yahaba points at a feline, with slanted jade eyes, and perched on a stair step and glaring at all of them judgmentally as they enter Yahaba's house. The house is really fucking huge, or at least in Kyoutani's opinion. The insides aren't bare like his house, rather, there are portraits, pictures, and memories in frames all over the walls and desks. The house doesn't stink of booze. It smells fresh, crisp, minty. It's nice. He's jealous. Even Minnie looks sophisticated, clean and aesthetically fitting to the white and teal house. To Kyoutani, as he stares into her soulless eyes, he figures she reminds him of her owner. "Like, no, don't touch her, she might kill you." Yahaba repeats nervously.  _So a lot like her owner._ Kyoutani nods slowly, and awkwardly shuffles into the room as he drops his shoes by the door. 

"Snacks!" Watari smiles devilishly.

"Wait, first let's put our bags up, I really don't feel like carrying extra baggage than I already am." For some reason, though Kyoutani figures it's possible that he's just being too sensitive or raw, but he feels indirectly insulted, as if Yahaba's claim held another meaning underneath. But, he just purses his lips and ignores his defensiveness and suppresses it. They enter a room on the upper level, with magazines and books littered all over the floor, and crushed water bottles everywhere, all empty.

Yahaba's room isn't per say  _dirty_ , just disorganized. 

Kyoutani feels an itch, as if he has to make an attempt of cleaning the room, but he disregards it.  

"Let's get fooood!" Watari automatically does a flip off of Yahaba's messily made bed, nearly skids on a random sock, and skitters out of the room. 

Yahaba just sighs as he sets down his backpack on the chair next to his cluttered desk. 

"He seems hyper." Kyoutani says dryly.  _Shit that boy just did a backflip off of the bed like that's majorly impressive._

At this, Yahaba doesn't respond with snark, rather, he shrugs. "He's excited to see you here, I guess." He expounds. His face then twists into one of disgust. "Not sure why, but okay." He murmurs, and at this, the old anger that he felt for Yahaba, that he struggled to bury in hopes of planting a new relationship in its place, leaks out, drowning the tiny plant of hope and his rational thought.

"Why are you such an asshole?"  _Well that could've been worded better, but well, I guess that's basically what I wanna ask anyways._

"Because-" Yahaba sputters. "You're one too! Like maybe I was too harsh and too critical of you the first time we argued, but honestly, I don't regret it because you're such a jerk to everyone! You snarl at everyone, you speak to everyone so disrespectfully as if you know best!" 

Kyoutani knows it's not Yahaba's fault. Yahaba isn't aware that he hasn't fully integrated into society just yet, that he hasn't learned how to communicate, that he has a hard time having expected respect for others since he doesn't comprehend exactly why he should when he doesn't owe them anything. He respected his mom. For what? Being a bitch? For breaking his father? For breaking his childhood and life? For breaking his understanding on things because despite everything, despite just hearing the label 'mom' and having no real sentimental value or any sense of worth behind that name, no meaning, he still can't hate her, because he just  _can't?_

Yahaba doesn't know that. Yahaba doesn't know how his ability to understand others' emotions as well as identify and properly suppress and release his own is handicapped, is ruined.

But that's exactly the point, right? His ability to control and struggle through his emotions is ruined. 

Therefore, he's unable to acknowledge the consequences of his mindset by now:  _"I'm disrespectful?_ You're the one who automatically decided to call me out the first day! Assuming who I am,  _assuming what I do,_ you did fucking nothing to respect me! Said that I didn't try, that I just got in from my dad! What the fuck you  _hypocrite!"_  

"I didn't respect you because you didn't respect anyone! Oikawa, he suffered through so much, and yet you treated him like shit, same with everybody else during volleyball, towards your coaches, towards fucking everyone!"

"I didn't disrespect them, idiot! I'm sorry that answering with short sentences and sounding indifferent is considered rude in your opinion, it's not like I try to sound rude, and besides he's annoying-"

"My God." Maybe it's because both of them are realizing that there's a huge misunderstanding between them, but their prides are too big for them to back down from this argument so they continue to mutually hate each other, that they actually listen and fall silent by the new voice in their shouting match. Watari stands in the doorway, as he brings another handful of Cheez-Its to his mouth, and a few fall onto the floor. "I've left for like two minutes, and I was in the kitchen trying to eat marshmallows and then I hear a revolution happening upstairs, please, my heart can't handle this. I'm too old for this."

Kyoutani scowls, and Yahaba just huffs.

"Sit down, fools. I'm here to learn how to write an essay because for some reason I never paid enough attention in high school." Watari sighs, his previous chipper attitude gone.

* * *

 

Yahaba, seeing the genuine anger, the wild glint hardened from fury in Kyoutani's eyes, only helped to fuel his own insatiable need to be right, to be on top. However, hearing Kyoutani's screamed explanation, he figures that maybe Kyoutani doesn't mean to be disrespectful, but that doesn't excuse the fact that he simply doesn't understand. He doesn't understand what Oikawa went through, what happened to all of them, to their team, to how much effort, how much they try. Kyoutani is simply discrediting their effort, all of their emotions, their desperation.

And that's what makes Yahaba mad.

If Kyoutani isn't trying to be disrespectful, but he still says that shit, that means he's simply oblivious. 

There's always the possibility that Kyoutani doesn't feel one way or another, meaning that he isn't actually looking down on their emotions, but that's highly unlikely since even Kyoutani understands the basis on how others feel, on emotions and how to interpret them and how others recognize his own actions. 

Scowling at his own thoughts, Yahaba viciously bites into his muffin. "Yahaba, stop murdering your food and at least write down notes." Watari snorts. "And Kyoutani, don't look so satisfied." He adds scornfully, and to avoid being reprimanded, Yahaba himself actually has to obscure a smile at Kyoutani being scolded. 

"Hey, I gotta use the bathroom." Kyoutani suddenly says. "Where....is the bathroom?" He adds hesitantly, and Yahaba bets it's because it's directed towards them. He gnaws on the inside of his mouth, feeling rather annoyed by that realization.

"Outside of my room, and down the hall, the door to the left." 

"Thanks."

The moment that Kyoutani leaves, Yahaba is smacked with a textbook. Yelping, he hisses, staring at Watari with betrayal. "Stop being an ass!" Watari snaps, his expression contorted. "Oh shut up, don't give me that look." Yahaba wasn't aware he was making a look, but he's gotta admit, like almost half of his entire arsenal of 'looks' are just bitch faces so there's a good chance he was wearing one. 

"You're making him feel unwelcome!"

"I don't want him here! His attitude is horrendous!" And he's not wrong. Yes, from an audience perspective if there ever is one, Kyoutani would be a victim, a boy awkward and unsocial due to his past. But from reality, from individual's viewpoint, Kyoutani is rather rude and ungrateful. Kyoutani himself actually does have a rather nasty attitude in complete honesty, and some of it is actually from pride.

Pride of his reputation, even though he hates it.

A rather conflicting child.

He's confused [somebody help him]. 

"Shh!" Watari slaps him once more with a textbook with rather impressive strength, considering how awkwardly bulky the book must be. Yahaba doesn't bother to resist. He probably deserves that. "He could hear you, you fucking jerk!" He hisses venomously. Honestly, Yahaba doesn't understand why Watari's going to such extent to help the boy. Then, Watari nervously sighs, tossing the book aside, thank God. Scooting closer, ergo crumpling Yahaba's paper [that he utterly gave up on anyways], he lowers his volume, and whispers, "I don't know. I just get bad vibes from him.

"What a coincidence,  _so do I!"_  Yahaba says liltingly. Watari slaps him, and yanks down on his shirt collar until they're at closer whispering proximity. 

"Shut up!" He snarls.

"Your breath smells like cheese."

"Keep talking and I'll breath all over you." At this, Yahaba cringes, and doesn't retort. "But by 'bad vibes', I mean like something bad's gonna happen to him."

"I mean, yeah, judging by his attitude he's gonna get something coming to him, obviously-" Yahaba gags as a rotten smell of warm cheese wafts up to him. He glowers down at Watari, who just rolls his eyes.

"I don't know man. Like you know how I could tell something was going on with Oikawa when he was overworking himself?" The only person other than Watari who efficiently noticed something's strange about Oikawa's even faker attitude and dry, sardonic insults was Iwaizumi, but he's a given. Yahaba just took it as an insult back then even though it wasn't directed at him, when Watari asked him randomly while they were in the middle of stretching one day, if Oikawa seemed a little off. Oikawa was always a 'little off', if Yahaba's gonna be honest, because while he loves his senior, there's no lie that Oikawa is....to simply put it,  _extra._ However, back then he just assumed Watari was finally done with Oikawa's shit and decided to call him out, so he didn't listen until one day during practice within five minutes Oikawa fucks up, pops his knee, and had to be sent to the hospital.

That was a rather interesting practice.

"Fine, what's up with him?"

"I don't know." Watari shrugs, frustrated. "Like, honestly, judging by his shoes, he's probably from a poorer part of the city? Probably doesn't live in a very safe neighborhood." Watari's eyes dilate. "Dudeeee what happens if he's involved with underground shit?"

"Please stop."

"Shut up and listen to my conspiracy theories-"

"Stop."

"Oh my God what if his father happens to be a mafia leader-"

"You know, I was actually taking you seriously until you continued talking."

They didn't hear the door yawn open. 

"Guys Minnie stared at me while I sat on the toilet-" They whip around, to see Kyoutani enter the room, with Minnie sitting with her usual judgmental expression, next to him. He gazes at them awkwardly. "Am....I interrupting something?"

"What?" Watari scoffs, and in stiff movements, crawl away from Yahaba. "No...."

"If you guys are a thing, I'm cool with that, I have nothing against gays-"

"You got the wrong idea, trust me." Yahaba stammers, shoving Watari away with his foot, who screeches.

"Yahaba your foot stinks!" Yahaba sticks his tongue out. He doesn't want to come off as immature especially in front of Kyoutani, who he doesn't want to impress but show that he's at least not childish, but he can't help it. Everyone probably believes Watari to be this reincarnate of sunshine. Well, he's a fucking brat and Yahaba would know considering how they've been friends since their mothers decided that their children needed friends or else they'd grow up as hermits.

Well, their plans clearly didn't work considering how Watari and Yahaba just decided to become hermits together and play Super Mario Kart instead of going outside. There are times when they forget the sun existed and when they walk outside they're taken back by actual light, compared to their dark rooms that smell like Doritos, that they literally do a double take and a double chin, and just walk back inside into the comforts of their dark rooms, blankets, Cheetos and games. 

"O-kay." Kyoutani states in his usual gruff tone. "Um. What do I do with the cat? She wouldn't leave and tried to eat my hand when I reached for the toilet paper, and quite frankly, I'm too scared to sit down." He jabs a thick finger at the ebony feline, who seems content on standing dangerously close to Kyoutani's ankle. 

"Yeah just stand." Even Yahaba pities him. Just because he hates someone doesn't mean he's going to let them suffer in the wrath of Minnie. "Trust me, standing is a lot better than angering Minnie." At this, Kyoutani just gazes, and then very slowly sits down, and at this, Yahaba bristles at Kyoutani's extremely obvious intent of pissing him off by ignoring his suggestion. But, to his surprise, Kyoutani just snickers genuinely, with no condescending timbre that Yahaba can detect, and probably against his own will, Yahaba grins slightly.

"Your own cat likes me better than she likes you." Kyoutani utters, as Minnie pads onto his lap. 

"What? What the hell Kyoutani you can't just come into my house and steal my cat who, lemme just say, been  _my_ cat for five years and acts like I don't exist even though I feed her!"

"Maybe because you constantly look like you want to murder something."

"What?"

"He's gotta a point." Watari says from the side. Yahaba, unsure of where his anger went, isn't really sure how to respond or treat Kyoutani. But, if Kyoutani's teasing him in a friendly manner, he might as well not respond as a dick and be nice about it for now. "Also, Kyoutani, I think it's because you're quiet. Yahaba's actually very loud, whenever he's bored, he sings to Britney Spears in the kitchen."

"I was  _five_."

"Why were you listening to Britney Spears when you were five?"

"Because I had good taste."

"I didn't take you as the type to listen to Britney Spears."

"Are you saying that I didn't know my shit back then?"

"I mean. Yahaba you and I literally just distanced us from society all the way up until we were thirteen and just played Super Smash Bros every day." Watari speaks helpfully from the side. Yahaba flips him off. 

* * *

Yahaba was busy studying Kyoutani.

Was it stalkerish? No.

Was it perhaps a bit weird? Yes. Even Yahaba was unable to deny that, and mentally chided himself for basically just gazing at Kyoutani intensely. The moment he talked about writing, he seemed rather excited, almost as if he felt uncomfortable earlier, until they approached a topic that he was actually knowledgeable in. Well that's understandable. And Yahaba, though he's not very excited about Kyoutani's main attitude where he's a dick to everyone, has to admit, there are variables of Kyoutani that he could tolerate, and his sarcastic side, while it sometimes pisses Yahaba off, when used appropriately and when Yahaba is in the mood to not remind himself he doesn't like Kyoutani, can find it humorous. And, Yahaba, who's been captain before in high school for volleyball, figures that while he's also not necessarily inclined to become Kyoutani's teammate since he  _knows_ that the moment they got on court they're going to argue, figures that studying Kyoutani would help increase his skill and ability on reading others, and try to figure Kyoutani out.

Despite the fact that Kyoutani seems normal, since usually, it's simple to stereotype others and figure out their mindset, while it's easy to solve how Kyoutani will react, how he'll respond, his main attitude and what he's thinking at times, there are some behavioral issues that he has, some things he says, and the way his mind seemingly works and switches his entire personage from time to time, is definitely something Yahaba finds strange. Not unsolvable, but complicated and tangled. 

Is Kyoutani aware of this? Of himself?

That is when Kyoutani shifts upwards when Minnie claws at his shirt, does Yahaba find another strange realization. Kyoutani's hoodie, that rumples upwards, reveals the slender side of his hip. 

The hip is purple.

An obvious bruise on tender flesh, the skin mottled with shades of green and deep orchid. And it's not like Yahaba got a mere peek, he got an expansive view as Kyoutani leans back and Minnie claws angrily at his sweatshirt when he tried to move. And not for a couple seconds, he stays on his back for probably a full minute, enough for Yahaba to be sure of what he's seeing, as he soothes down the bristling cat.

_"Probably doesn't live in a very safe neighborhood."_

He didn't actually believe Kyoutani got into fights huge.

There are times when yes, he'd appear at practice with a laceration slit across his cheek, or perhaps with a shiner on his eye, loud, obvious and wrinkled, that it looked as if with every blink of an eye the bruise circling would wince and hurt, or some days his toned arms would be bandaged, efficiently stunting his powerful spikes and those are the days when he's the most irritated, and the most annoying to Yahaba since his attitude just worsens those days. 

He just assumed those were scuffles, tiny and small.

_How would you know how bad his arms were when they were covered with bandages? How would you know the extent of his injuries as he's covered in clothes?_

That bruise was not tiny and small, not just a direct punch to the face like the nasty purple-ringed eyes swollen and watery. Not just a roll of gauze knotted around an arm. Not just a deep cut sometimes staunched with a band-aid on the face.

That bruise blotched his ribs that Yahaba could see, ribs that shouldn't stand out that much for a boy who is supposedly eating healthily.  _The sandwich he had yesterday. One sandwich for a lunch shouldn't be enough for a boy who's playing volleyball and exercising five days a week_. 

A poorer neighborhood, would he seriously be suffering that much that he couldn't get enough food to eat?

And the various bruises that stretched from his armpit down to his hip, with the largest near his waist-

That's not easy.

That sort of bruising must be resulted from kicking a person while they're on the ground.

Is his neighborhood really that bad?

Yahaba won't retract his statement that Kyoutani has attitude problems, and he should get them fixed. But, staring at the boy who's currently stroking his cat with honest expressions and innocence, he figures, that perhaps he may have judged his situation too harshly, that while having a bad life doesn't justify an attitude, it could possibly excuse it in some sense. 

Feeling bad.

He feels bad. He said Kyoutani got into the college from money. Kyoutani clearly could barely afford new shoes despite being an athlete. And it's not like he bothers to hide injuries on his face. And bruises on legs aren't strange, Yahaba is actually used to seeing them since Watari is a libero, therefore, he's often slamming against the floor and therefore littered with random splotches of purple. Is Kyoutani aware of his reputation, of how others see him to the point where he figures he could just walk into school wearing scars and injuries without anybody else batting an eye?  _Well, isn't that what you did?_

Kyoutani doesn't even hide his injuries. He's given up. He knows nobody cares, nobody would question, nobody would even bother, since everybody already knows where he probably got them from. It's gotten to the point where he doesn't show them off, but where he believes nobody cares about him in general. 

* * *

They ended off on a good note. Kyoutani would assume so. Honestly, he actually was flipping his shit when he and Yahaba got into an argument. He didn't want that to happen, he was honestly afraid of that happening. But everything ended smoothly, and when he left, Yahaba once again, gave him another unreadable expression but this one different from the first, and Watari giving him a pack of animal crackers and sending him on his way, and Minnie attempting to run away and go off with him.

Yahaba had to hold her off.

Last view Kyoutani had was Yahaba squawking as Minnie digs her claws into his cheeks as he holds her as far away as possible.

Rest in peace, Yahaba Shigeru. 

Kyoutani enters his house. It's still near the afternoon, closing in on dinner, so his father should still be out. Kicking aside a crumpled tin can that he could smartly assume is alcohol, he makes a notification in his head to clean up later. Walking up the creaking stairs, at the top, his blood chills and slows, and blood pounds through his ears. His door is open. He always closes his door. Every day. It's the only sense of privacy he's ever gotten, or at least, a false sense of one in an attempt to trick him into thinking he really does own something in this house, even though in reality he's deeply aware that even his own room is no longer his own.

He runs into his room, his vision bobbing and motions sluggish from shock and panic. His own breathing sounds prominent to his ears, and his heart practically plummets, dead and listless, as he stares, disbelief, anger, and shock spawning tears in his eyes.

The very familiar cardboard box that he so carefully stashed away in the back of his closet, behind hanged clothes, jerseys and tiny drawers, is on the floor, torn open, and still, still having a sliver of hope that's inevitably untrue and screaming and  _it hurts-_

All of it's gone.

All of the money that he salvaged and desperately saved over the years, is no longer in the cardboard box.

He's not sure which one came first: the screams, or the tears.


	6. aewyhrstjy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hahha rip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, i noticed that in a lot of stories, the mc don't want to garner attention/pity from others. And that's true with many people, but I think a lot of peopel forget that their charactesrs aren't human. It's in human nature to want positive attention/affection from others, or to be selfish. I incorporated a little bit of that into Kyoutani, since that's how people in general would feel. It's not bad to be selfish, imo, as long as it's reasonable and controlled and aware by thier host. That's all. 
> 
> Also, guys, what does 'beta' in ao3 mean?
> 
> It's been a year and i still havent figured out how to work out this website.

The last time Kyoutani actually expected for his father to return, with hope and  _wanted_ him to, was when he was possibly seven. When his father, handsomely rugged, tall, and what society would deem as a Superman, was Kyoutani's everything. Someone that Kyoutani wanted to become, wanted to look up to. He loved his father, who though would be constantly abused by their mother, attempted to keep Kyoutani out of any crossfire of any problems occurring in their household.

Nobody believed that Kyoutani's father was an abuse victim.

Who would? 

A petite Japanese lady who's the epitome of delicacy and nothing more than a feminine figure, was a violent bruiser? That someone like her would threaten to leave their family everytime Kyoutani left his toys scattered on the ground and Kyoutani's father was blamed for being a bad father figure? Someone who would rummage through his father's stuff, someone who would scream at his father to unlock his phone and let his wife see through his private messages, delete contacts of old female friends he had, and control whatever he posts on social media?

Because society is accustomed to believe or acknowledge male abusers and female victims, not the other way around.

And when she really did leave with all their money, it ruined his father as he finds support and comfort from the hurt at a bar.

 

 

By the age of eight, Kyoutani stopped looking forward to his father stumbling home from work.

 

Dad didn't return.

Today.

Kyoutani wants to see him. Confront him for stealing all his money. The mere thought of working with shitty customers at McDonalds, those shitty thoughts of thinking how he once actually thought of taking up a legitimate occupation as a dancer in a bar because they pay a shitload, no matter the insecurities littered as cuts across his skin, the shitty years he lived in this fucking  _place, this fucking home living here living here_ living here-

And it amounted to nothing, after all.

He doesn't know what he's going to do with his dad, in complete honesty. He wants to hate him, wants to scream, fight back, and actually retaliate.

He wants to convince himself that the father from his childhood and the father he has now, are two completely different people. Which is a lie, he knows it's a lie. They're the same people, with the same ways of thinking and solving problems, with the same memories. Because when his father was sober, he tried his best. Tried to find a job, tried to go to work,  _tried_ to redeem himself. Couldn't. He couldn't. Each time, he'd just rebound back to alcohol. But in those sober moments, he'd apologize to Kyoutani, and sometimes, Kyoutani would let his father actually hug him, something he yearned and wanted so badly, but never accepted since even when his father was sober, Kyoutani was afraid of those hands. 

When he was sober, he truly was the father from years ago.

When he wasn't, he truly was the father from these years ago. 

* * *

"His attitude's gotten worse." Yahaba comments, and even he's able to recognize the lack of bitterness or judgement in his timbre. Watari gives him another side-eye. It's been happening a lot. Watari always acts as if Yahaba admitted to committing a murder or something, like dumping someone into a pot of acid while reading the entire script of  _Bee Movie_ to them. Yahaba denies that. He just happens to have a resting bitch face.

"Hm. As always." Yahaba wrinkles his nose, and Watari whacks him. "Stop." He swats away Watari's hand. 

"Go talk to him." Watari advises, sniffing indignantly. Yahaba wheezes, and at this, Watari gives another unimpressed look, before, chopping him on the shoulder again. 

"Hey!" Yahaba hisses, narrowly ducking another karate-chop. "I'll tell the teacher you're an annoying dick." Yahaba threatens, and at this, Watari cocks an eyebrow up. "Okay fine." Though it's left unsaid from the other boy, the school has no real sense of responsibility. Really. Glancing upwards, he looks at the projector's screen. Yep.

The teacher is still watching  _The Notebook_ on his laptop.

After handing out worksheets for the class to complete, their professor opened up another tab on his laptop, to reveal he's watching  _The Notebook_ off of an illegal movie website. 

It's been twenty minutes. 

He still hasn't noticed he forgotten to disconnect his laptop from the projector.

Nobody corrected him. The most their class did was take a video and post it on their Snapchat story.

Yahaba's drawing up a conspiracy theory in his head that this college doesn't actually have teachers, that these are just random people hired by the government to just stand in classrooms and read off textbooks. Like really. Such as with that iconic incident with Kyoutani in the halls, and yet, no adult supervision was in sight, and nobody came out to stop a clearly obvious fight. Kyoutani and Yahaba both weren't being quiet that day when they were cussing each other off.

Conspiracy theory: all the teachers were kidnapped and replaced by lookalikes that do nothing all day except for illegally downloading movies.

Sighing, Yahaba turns to Watari. "These teachers aren't even teachers. Someone could literally walk in, like any stranger who looks old and dead enough, and sit at the desk and eat McDonalds and none of us would be able to tell the difference between them and real teachers." He scowls. At this, Watari shrugs with a look that says 'yeah pretty much'. 

"Anyways...." Watari kicks his feet up on the desk. The teacher doesn't flinch, clearly too into the current sex scene that's showing on the projector between the main characters.

Wow. Yahaba's going to pretend this day never happened.

"Talk to Kyoutani. If you don't then you're going to have to deal with this attitude through practice." Watari hisses, and at this, Yahaba's snaps his neck in Watari's direction so hard, he's pretty sure he just gave himself whiplash. Watari snickers. "And ask him to come over today. I think he's busy either way, but still. It's a Monday, it's not like he's actually gonna do anything today." Watari adds. Yahaba's jaw unhinges, as he narrows his eyes. Ready to release an onslaught of words on how that would be a very, very  _damn bad idea_ -

Watari clicks his tongue, and readjusts his slouch. "Shh, if you invite him, then it'd make him feel as if you want him there. You're not necessarily the politest to him." Watari expounds. "You basically make him feel as if you don't want him there."

"I don't want him there!" 

Even to Yahaba himself, he can tell it's utter bullshit. He doesn't need Watari's raise of eyebrows to tell him that. "Uh huh. Anyways, I can tell that even Yahaba the Major Ass cares about Kyoutani."

"I don't. If he gets into fights, that's his problem, not mine."

"You're not a dick, though. You might act like one, but you're not." Watari sighs, finalizing the situation, clearly done with Yahaba's pathetic excuses to stall time as to why he can't just talk to Kyoutani. And yeah. Yahaba might not like Kyoutani's attitude, and certainly after the previous getup between them three he hasn't talked to Kyoutani after that and over the weekend, and their relationship might be a nameless yet clearly negative one, that doesn't mean he 'hates' Kyoutani. Usually. Kyoutani's not a bad guy from what he can tell, he's just an ass at times. 

And yeah, Kyoutani doesn't like to standout much, therefore, Yahaba doesn't believe he actually wants to get into fights or that he'd actually initiate them, despite his impulsive and hotheaded temper saying otherwise. Meaning something else must be provoking him. "Fine, I'll invite him. But after practice, though. I don't want to do it in front of our class."

"Our class is full of drug dealers, let's be honest." Watari gives him a flat stare.

This class is for slackers, that's true. It's the easiest course of the year, and gives credit if you take it. So yeah, even Yahaba participated in it, since he normally just studies in this class whenever the teacher decides to just....do whatever he's doing.

"Okay true, but our team has an Oikawa."

"Touché."

* * *

Kyoutani socked Oikawa in the face, everyone was screaming, and the gym might as well be on fire.

 

He really wished he didn't.

He really fucking wished he didn't.

 _Mad Dog_.

What a suitable nickname. Everyone's afraid of a dog contracted with rabies, impulsive and with a dead brain whose only command is to infect others. Kyoutani is infected with anger. He doesn't mean to. Another thing his dad and himself relate with: they struggle with emotions, they don't know how to work with it, they don't know what to do with it. And thus they lash out at others without meaning to.

He hates himself for not being able to control it.

But here he is, hissing, and dragged aside by Iwaizumi.

And seeing the look of utter disappointment dragging down on Iwaizumi's countenance, the adrenaline that sent his heart chopping against his ribs has faded. He can't even hear his heartbeat. He doesn't even know if he's breathing. "Kyoutani...." Iwaizumi begins a soft, nurturing tone, and Kyoutani snaps.

Breaks.

He doesn't want to hear pathetic excuses in an attempt to justify or lessen the severity of what he's done.

Snarling, his tongue flimsy and his brain compressed too hard to give himself enough hair to  _think_ logically and rationally, his brain unable to control his body parts from jerking back, his tongue from strewing together coherent sentences. Rather, he just yanks himself out of Iwaizumi's grasp. And the thing is, though Kyoutani has a muscular frames, he's lithe and thin from malnutrition. His head is already spinning from hunger, and paired with a clouded mindset spawned from panic, he's nothing more than brainless. He could easily be compared to a lean wolf, bristling and snapping, driven mad from hunger, from fear. 

"Kyoutani...." Iwaizumi echoes, taking a step forward.

Kyoutani doesn't like this.

It's the wariness that others give him, whenever they're afraid from being unable to predict his next moves. "Don't touch me." He wheezes out, his eyes flickering around the gym. All activities ceased, and even Oikawa, who he would've presumed to have whined for attention over Kyoutani's knuckles sinking into his cheek [he's definitely going to bruise], is silent and standing behind Kyoutani, his expression thoughtful. 

He doesn't like that expression.

Oikawa wears a similar one whenever he analyzes other players. Sometimes he'd wear a scrutinizing gaze, but that's only if he's feeling cruel. His countenance is cautiously blank and his eyes attentive on Kyoutani. 

Like he's some specimen meant to be observed. 

He is, isn't he?

Everyone's staring at him.

Even the coach is quiet, seeing how things play out before he can intervene and cause the least damage.

They're all creating decisions revolving around him being a fuck-up. He hates that. He does want pity. He does want attention. Not like this. He wants attention in the manner of affection, he wants others to talk to him, let him confess his burden, his pressure. But he doesn't want attention like this, even though it seems to be the type he garners the most. He's selfish, he knows. He wants others to know about his problems, as if to compare his own with others' and say  _'ha, mine are worse'_. But they're not worse. 

He's unsure anymore what's right or wrong in his household, and what's considered extremely bad, and just decent.

"Kyoutani do you want to go outside?" Iwaizumi suggests in a soft voice, that ricochets in the eerily quiet gym that's spared of any breathing, of any movement. Kyoutani figures he just ruined his relationship with Iwaizumi. Someone he admired and wanted to know better. Someone he wanted to be liked by. Someone that he wanted as an older brother, an affectionate, caring figure who'd listen to his problems, talk with him, be his friend.

"Yeah. But don't follow me." Kyoutani snaps, his voice taunt like his body and posture. He storms out, feeling relieved as he slams open the gym doors and leaves, yet, guilty and horribly humiliated for causing such a big commotion. He's just proving everyone elses' expectations of him, isn't he? Of being a delinquent, someone who leaves trouble in his wake.

And he feels bad for punching Oikawa, too.

But Oikawa, when Oikawa grabbed his wrist with a scarily solemn expression, and whispered in a lower voice,  _"you should sit out. Your bruises on your hip won't get better"_ he panicked. He didn't know how Oikawa saw them. He was cautious when in the locker room, waiting for everyone else to leave first by arrive late in general, which nobody questioned since he's clearly not the type to come on time. Or he'd come extremely early, to change first as well. 

He can't think of another time when Oikawa would see him so exposed.

So he panicked, snapped his elbow back and pistoned his knuckles straight into Oikawa's face.

 _This...is not one of my best moments._  

* * *

Yahaba isn't really sure how he feels about this situation. To be honest, he has no idea what really happened.

He was discussing with Watari if aliens really are real or if Oikawa's delusional [both sides are both extremely controversial and debatable amongst their team, both usually instigated by Kuroo], when a scream shook both of them, and they found the source of the scream easily-

It was from Watari's newly-made friend and partner, Nishinoya Yuu who's also an intense Libero, who squawked and tumbled onto his knees. Well, Yahaba would've screamed too, if his mind wasn't reeling.

Kyoutani, with a wavering fist, startled countenance and amber eyes that flicker from his clenched and already battered knuckles from use, and to Oikawa, who's clutching his cheek wordlessly.

Hell unleashed.

Bokuto panicked, yanked Kyoutani too hard and resulted to both of them tumbling onto the ground, and Kyoutani automatically spazzed out, jerking and growling savagely.

Kuroo is to the side, attempting to pull Bokuto and Kyoutani apart.

Lev tripped over himself and dragged down two poor second years down with him.

The coach nearly swallowed his whistle.

Daichi is shouting, his voice already hoarse from screaming at Daishou earlier.

It's only when Iwaizumi approached Kyoutani, did he not automatically jerk away, though that inevitably happened.

And it ended up Kyoutani storming out.

Wow.

So that happened.

And Yahaba wanted to be mad at Kyoutani. Really. It's inevitable that this entire situation, leaving their team in disarray and Oikawa distraught, is his fault. However, there's this other sense. Disappointment. He really actually did want to think of Kyoutani better. Maybe he didn't want to. At first he didn't want to make excuses for Kyoutani's behavior. He wanted to believe the worse out of him. Still kinda did. But, perhaps it was after seeing those injuries, did concern really root in his brain. But seeing this, maybe Kyoutani really does initiate fights himself. Maybe he really is problematic, and that whatever wounds he received was deserved, as they were his fault.

Turning to Oikawa, ready to fume over Kyoutani, and over  _himself_ for thinking differently [even though it made him a good person to try and see another perspective of Kyoutani], he halts. Oikawa's not the least bit troubled. Even as Iwaizumi chides him and presses a cold water bottle to his cheek, he's for once not fixating all his attention on Iwaizumi or fawning over the fact that Iwaizumi isn't the one punching him this time, but tenderly icing his forming bruise. 

Rather, he's staring at the pair of doors where Kyoutani walked out.

There's no sense of indignation, anger, or scorn evident on Oikawa's face. There's concern. 

He knows it's concern. It's the same expression he wore whenever Yahaba tripped and skinned his knee, when Iwaizumi wasn't here that one practice and they found out he just had a fever. 

Concern.

For Kyoutani.

And while he may want to think badly of Kyoutani at the moment-

He knows that Oikawa's not the type to mistaken how he interprets others. 

 

_What did Oikawa see?_

"Hey, Yahaba, don't get mad." Whipping around, he faces Watari, whose face is carefully constructed into concern, one that wouldn't set Yahaba off. "I don't think Kyoutani did that on purpose. Did you see his face?"  _Yeah, it was full of anger. Dick_. "And I don't think Oikawa's mad either. I think....I should go talk to Kyoutani. Don't follow me." At this, Yahaba hisses. Then again, he supposes that he wouldn't trust himself to talk to Kyoutani either. He'd most likely end up slamming Kyoutani against the lockers or some shit. "Let me talk to him. Tell the couch I went after him." And just like that, Watari's gone.

* * *

Seeing Watari come after him. In complete honesty, made Kyoutani feel mortified yet grateful. It made him feel wanted. But, he figures he'd rather not have anyone see him in this state. For fuck's sake, he's such a mess, he didn't even bring his backpack. His crappy laptop and his work is all in there, with essays due tomorrow. Shit. He would have to return to school at some point. "Hey, Kyoutani!" Watari wheezes, before halting in front of him, clearly winded. "Shit I need to workout." He gasps.

Kyoutani's lips twitches slightly. 

"Can I walk with you?" Watari breathes as he straightens his spine.

_No._

"You have practice. You should be getting back." Kyoutani really doesn't need a heartfelt talk. Yes, he supposes he could discuss feeling humiliated for creating such a huge scene, and ask him to apologize to Oikawa even though Oikawa really is a dick at times, because technically, Oikawa  _was_ looking out for his wellbeing. Just before he punched Oikawa, he could identify the genuine concern in his gaze, and also, most likely, he just didn't want his team's dynamic to crumble. 

But, he can't explain his anger, his actions. He can't talk about his dad. If he mentions his abusive behavior, they'd think the worse of his father. They wouldn't know the best of his father. They wouldn't understand, his father's real character, not just his anger.

"No, it's fine. Doesn't matter. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine." His voice steels unwillingly. 

"I mean, I also wanna skip practice. No wonder I'm so weak." Watari chuckles, and this time, Kyoutani doesn't attempt to contain his grin. "You going home?"

"Nah. I have to head back eventually."  _For my backpack. And I guess I need to apologize for my behavior_. But Kyoutani doesn't want to . He knows that any apology won't redeem himself in others' eyes. He knows that. Rather, he'd be slouching into the gym, causing an interruptance in everybody elses' playing, creating an awkward, uncomfortable tension amongst everyone and others, as they silently judge him.

This isn't some movie. Some book where the author can manipulate the reality and severity of others' beliefs, of the situation, just so he can fit in.

"Okay. So you're just....going for a walk?" Watari says, and somewhere along the way, the two of them are moving.

"I guess. I'm first gonna head home. To check on my dog." Kyoutani responds, before hesitating. Shit. Are they seriously going to head to his house? The neighborhood they'd enter would be trashed and obviously not pleasant to someone like Watari, who probably came from a place nice enough if he's staying in a dorm, and if it somehow ends up with him inviting Watari into his house....

He hasn't cleaned up his father's mess ever since he left. The house reeks of booze, the floors stained and the insides sweaty without air conditioner, which just intensifies the stench of alcohol and sweat.

Watari would just automatically assume his friends, or perhaps, Kyoutani himself, was the reason why evidence of alcohol exists. He doesn't keep Shiba in the house, except during winter when outside is too cold. Shiba just roams in their tiny, fenced off garden that no dog should live in, but is better than giving Shiba a hell's life as a stray in this particular neighborhood.

He knows he should've given Shiba up.

But....he had Shiba since he was ten, back when she was a puppy. She was there whenever he cried, and Shiba was his only source of affection and love for a long, long time. It's selfish of him, he knows, to compromise Shiba's life by not giving her away to a shelter for the possibility of a better life. But he just can't find it in himself to give her up for adoption. He just can't.

And Watari's going to see that. See how badly he treated his dog by doing this.

"I really think you should head back." Kyoutani says, a sense of nausea bubbling in his stomach. 

"No, it's fine." Watari says, oblivious to Kyoutani's growing nervousness. "You're heading back, right? I'll eventually have to head back, too. So I'll just follow you. I wanna see your dog, too. I love animals. I owned a bunny when I was younger. Yahaba, I knew him since he was a kid, always had cats. They all hated him, but he loved them a lot."

"You guys knew each other since childhood?"

"Yep. All his cats hated everyone. Except for Minnie, who happened to like you a lot." Watari smirks, and nudges Kyoutani. "Feel special." He exclaims. And though he figures he would feel rather important, it does nothing to calm him. Perhaps he should just tell Watari they should head back by now? But that would mean handling with his team, since he left his bag in the locker room. He wants to go back when everybody else already left.

Which is worse? Dealing with everyone in the gym, or have him see his house?

"My house is actually really far away. Are you sure you wanna come? You're going to exercise either way, but this time, out in the sun." He states. It's not that warm today, but it's inevitable they'll end up sweating a lot with sore feet. 

"Yeah. As long as I don't have to go skidding across the floor one more time."

"My neighborhood isn't the safest." Kyoutani blurts out. Oh well, it's not as if it's a secret where he's came from, judging by his appearance in general. But, saying it out loud....

At this, Watari's features soften, and Kyoutani bites back a bitter laugh. He always wanted sympathy, doesn't he? Well, here he is, feeling discouraged and horrified by the look of pity crossing Watari's face. Well, he got what he wanted, didn't he? Karma. "It's fine. Really, I don't mind. And besides, we'll be safe out in the sun, right?" Kyoutani gives him a calculative look of unease. "Ahh...." Watari chuckles weakly. "That's fine. Really. I don't mind. I want to see your dog, and besides, you seem pretty cool. I wanna like....get to know you better."

Kyoutani's taken back by that. 

Watari's genuine, he knows that. He wouldn't lie to him, nor would he attempt to make him feel better by pretending to be something he's not. However, this is new territory. Kyoutani is completely unappealling. Back in highschool, he was a lot worse. He was snarling, ripping apart homework, wasn't a bully, but could definitely be one. He was mean, cruel, and lashed out at everyone since he felt justified due to his situation at home. 

At least he matured.

But that doesn't mean he has learned to control his temper, his disrespectful and judgmental attitude, his rudeness towards others. 

He's certainly been a lot gentler with Watari than he usually is with others, so that's probably why Watari hasn't run away yet. 

"Thanks...." He swallows thickly.

God he's not crying now.

Not now.

"So, how far away is your home?" Grateful for the distraction from his mushed and confused feelings, Kyoutani gladly answers.

"Maybe like. Four miles away. On the edge of town."

"You don't walk here everyday, do you?"

"I usually bike here."

"Let's take the subway, today. Here, I'm going to guess you left your money with your stuff? I have some change from lunch. Don't argue with me on this, I want to see your dog." 

* * *

"That's....my house." Kyoutani whispers, horrified. Upon closer inspection, the people weren't swarming his neighbor's house. They were surrounding his house. "Wait, sir-" He yanks down on a man's arm, and at this, the man scowls. They're carrying his ratty couch away. "Excuse me, sir, please, what's....what are you doing?" He fumbles, remembering to use honorifics even though he's ready to fight someone.

He hears howling from inside.  _Shiba_.

"Your bills haven't been paid for too long. You're too much in debt. We're taking away your house now." The man grumbles, before nodding at his partner to continue moving.

 _"Like any of this shit will amount to even ten bucks-"_ Kyoutani laughs incredulously. He remembers Watari's still there. He rounds to the boy, who's staring, his eyes dilated, lips parted and face ashen. Kyoutani chooses to deal with Watari later, and rather, runs into the house, where more men and women are dragging out whatever furniture he has, all of them unsympathetic when they meet his gaze.

Running to the backyard, he flings open the mesh-wire door, to find Shiba, growling and leaping around the tiny yard, before jumping up onto her hind-paws, and planting her front ones on his hips.

"Shiba...." He whispers, as he grabs her leash from the cardboard box he left outside full of worn out toys she'd often play with. A hand lands on his shoulder, and he jerks back, to see Watari, his eyes still wide. "Hey," his voice cracking, he tries to ignore the hot flashes emitting from his eyes, threatening to send waves of tears. "Can you grab that box next to me? They're Shiba's stuffed animals, they're practically her babies. And you see those bowls over there? Just dump out the water and put them in the box too." Well, at least Kyoutani managed to use up Shiba's bag of dogfood, so they don't have to carry that. "Thanks." He mutters, as Watari moves to grab the bowls and the box.

Shiba whines, and pitifully licks his jeans, and nuzzles Watari a greeting. Usually, she'd be eccentric upon a guest, but at the moment, she's clearly overwhelmed by the commanding shouts from inside the house and random scents wafting in as strangers overtake her territory. 

"Where are we going to go?" Watari finally utters, his normally boisterous and chuckling voice replaced with an unfamiliar, meek one.

"I don't know." Kyoutani answers truthfully.

He doesn't have anywhere else to go.

 _He's going to have to give up Shiba_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess where're they heading next to?
> 
> Well, Watari's nice enough to offer Kyoutani chicken nuggets so that's a location ya gonna see next.
> 
> Because i mean. This fic's title is called CHicken Nuggets.
> 
> Tbh I have no idea where im going with this story, i never make out a good storyline or plan shit out so just letting you know, everything i type is not thought out beforehand at all. lets see me try and figure out how to wrap this fic up, too.


	7. ofdihskma;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mcdonalds have returned
> 
> Yahaba and Kyoutani has finally gotten along
> 
> also i'm alive after like two months

"Do your parents know about this?" Watari inquires softly, his supportive, rambunctious one dropped for a more sympathetic one. And Kyoutani recalls when he wished that at least someone would pity him for his troubles, despite how selfish or attention-seeking that may be.

And he instantly regrets that wish. Because now he doesn't know how to deal with Watari. And he was growing to actually enjoy the said boy's company and vivid personality. And he had reduced all that personality through a drain made from his background life, and is left with the dredges of pity from the boy. "My mom is dead," he admits awkwardly, and hopes that Watari doesn't continued being lackluster and treating him like a fragile work of glass that would shatter quickly from his usual, eccentric attitude. "And my dad, ah, he ran off? I guess?" He desperately attempts to douse the obvious bitterness in his voice the moment he mentioned his father.

_Not to mention he took all my fucking money. And this scholarship lasts for only two years, I don't know if I can finish college this way._

"Your father took off? When?" Watari bravely pursues, and Kyoutani, while he's not exactly comfortable with this topic, is subconsciously glad at the fact that Watari isn't acting as if Kyoutani isn't sensitive, since to Kyoutani himself, such a description correlates with vulnerability and weakness, something he would never allow himself to reduce down to in front of others. And Kyoutani kinda wants to talk about it.

He didn't think he was ready.

He didn't want others to find out, to treat him worse, to realize that he's really nothing more than a hoodlum, someone who fights, who has nothing good in his life, and is just sewer water in their bright and glamorous town of Miyagi. 

But he's well aware, that if he continues to be this way with his usual isolated attitude, in his near future he's going to be very lonely. And it's not like he can deny the fucking fact that the people took his house right in front of Watari. Watari is currently leading the way, taking him somewhere after he stupidly admitted he didn't have a place to go. He's not exactly sure where they're heading, but he doesn't think he has a lot of options.

"My father took off around a week ago." He answers, this time, unable to retract a withering chuckle from his lips screwing into a grim smile. "It's fine though. It's not like he being here would help." He adds, before realizing how crude and pathetic that sounds, and somewhere inside of him, he feels instant guilt, for tarnishing his father's reputation in front of someone, despite the fact that what he implied was basically true. 

"You really don't have a place to stay?" Watari questions gently, as they enter a familiar parking lot. "Also, here, McDonalds."

Kyoutani coughs, smothering a snicker as Watari laughs with him. "Ah, I'll never let Yahaba live that down," and Kyoutani is only slightly mortified that others apparently knew about him and Yahaba's little exchange from months ago. "I'm sure they won't let Shiba inside-" at this, he crouches and ruffles the greyhound behind the ears. "But you can sit at that bench over there, I'll buy stuff for us." Watari then shove the box of dog necessities that he was holding into Kyoutani's free arm, and he struggles as he attempts to balance it on his knee to not drop it.

"Do you like chicken nuggets? Or do you want a burger?"

At this, Kyoutani shakes his head. "No, seriously, it's fine, I don't need any food-"

Watari clicks his tongue, and flicks his stack of yen bills at Kyoutani scornfully. "Shhh, I'm buying myself food as well, and secondly, I did not make us walk an entire freaking mile to not get my fries!" He hisses. Kyoutani grimaces once more, and Watari ignores it with a roll of his eyes, as he strokes Shiba again, before running off into the store.

Kyoutani sighs, and figuring that he can't chase after the boy into the store anyways since Shiba is still with him, he just collapses onto the bench bolted down near the drive through. Shiba whines pitifully at Watari's departure, and Kyoutani snickers, as he invites her to sit up next to him. At this, she leaps onto the bench, and curls beside his lap. "Watari's a nice person." he comments to Shiba. And even though he declined Watari's offer out of politeness, inwardly, though he feels bad for feeling this, he's secretly happy that he's going to end up eating fast food, something with actual flavor despite the fact that McDonald's notoriously known for probably never using actual chicken and having no ice cream. 

"Kyoutani?"

Sputtering as he instantly recognizes the voice, he whips around to see Yahaba in his all, fucking glory, appear in his casual clothes, and Kyoutani's okay demeanor instantly crumples, as he recalls earlier events of socking Oikawa in the face. And he considers how much Yahaba clearly worships that fucking observant and scary ass dick to the point of obsession and is willing to fight anyone for his upperclassman, he tightens his grip on Shiba's leash. Because he's well aware that dogs can sense fear, and he's pretty sure that underneath his hardening exterior, he's probably exerting fright from all his pores, and Shiba most likely can sense it.

"What are you doing out here?" Kyoutani's eyebrows cock up at that. Maybe it's sad of him to think this, but he was mentally preparing himself for another fight instigated by Yahaba shouting at him for what happened a couple hours ago. "And....with your dog?" He tilts his head.

Shiba whines, barking happily at the sight of a stranger that her owner has some connection with, and before Kyoutani can restrain her, she yanks herself free from his grip, and approaches Yahaba, her tail wagging.

_Traitor._

Yahaba grins, and ruffles Shiba on the head, who playfully leaps onto her hindpaws, and attempts to lick his retreating hand.

_Betrayal._

He mocks glare at Shiba, who in response, acknowledges him like a rock.

 _Fucker_.

"Anyways, so....nice to see that we meet here again...." Yahaba clears his throat.

And perhaps it's because he was recently with Watari, who was able to weaken his defenses so that his reactions were all fluid and unrestrained, before he can stop himself he's laughing and sputtering. And he gazes up, through blurring eyesight since he happened to choke that hard from shock and laughter, he notes the startled expression Yahaba was sporting, before he himself slowly begins to laugh. 

 _This is a better encounter than I thought it'd be_.

"Mind if I sit here?" Yahaba asks, almost shyly, as he points at the seat next to Kyoutani. Normally, he'd feel suspicious about Yahaba's sudden kindness, but right now, he's too fucking emotionally drained to try and repair his defenses. 

"Ask Shiba." He points at his dog in response, who as if she could comprehend what they're saying, quickly leaps beside Kyoutani, and flattens her ears against Yahaba who she was friendly with earlier. "Ah. I guess not." He hums, and Yahaba scoffs, and mockingly glowers at Shiba, who in response, almost possessively plants her paw on Kyoutani's thigh, which resulted in another laugh from Yahaba.

"I see how it is." Yahaba sniffs. "Are you bringing her somewhere?" he points at the box full of Shiba's stuff, abandoned at Kyoutani's feet. Then, he gasps, his eyebrows contorting upwards. "Oh, are you giving her away?"

At this, Kyoutani quickly shakes his head. "Never." He snaps, and instantly regrets his harsh timbre as Yahaba's eyes shutter downwards with his lips into a scowl. "It's just...." he can only think of 'the truth' as an available alternative to explain other than agree with Yahaba, but like hell he'll bring it up to him, someone he barely communicates with on good terms.

"Yahaba?" A distant shout quickly intervenes with the sudden tension between them, and Kyoutani once again, finds himself being blessed with Watari, that boy. Kyoutani would gladly stab someone for him, holy shit. "You're here?" Watari blinks, surprised, as he appears before them with two paper bag of McDonalds. "Sorry man, but I didn't get you any." He adds, as he hands Kyoutani one of his bags, and Kyoutani almost feels regret for not pressuring Watari to not buy him one. Because he's well aware of his impression as a manipulative jerk in Yahaba's eyes, and the fact that one of Yahaba's best friends obviously bought food for Kyoutani with his own money, isn't going to help Yahaba's image of Kyoutnai.

"Thanks." 

"Yep. But Yahaba, if you want you can share some of my chicken nuggets." Watari offers happily, as he edges beside Shiba, who in response, eagerly nuzzles her nose towards the crinkled bags, the source of the delicious smell. And honestly, Kyoutani himself is anticipating food as well, since he hasn't had anything remotely as delicious as cheap, greasy fast food. "Wait, Kyoutani, I wasn't sure what you wanted either, so I got you a buttload of chicken nuggets-twenty pieces, and like. Fifty packets of all the sauces." He finger guns Kyoutani, who in return, flushes and smiles gratefully, unsure how to respond to sudden kindness.

Seriously Watari is an angel what the fuck.

"Can your dog have nuggets? I want to feed her." Watari says, as he strokes Shiba, who impatiently pads on her feet, as she repeatedly maneuvers into a sitting position, as if saying,  _see, I'm a good girl! Now feed me!_  

"I guess a few doesn't really affect her." Kyoutani smirks as Shiba laps his chin, as if understanding he's the key to fastfood heaven. "Um. Here, you can share with me." Kyoutani offers to Yahaba, who's still awkwardly standing there. And, Kyoutani, for some unknown reason, feels his gut cave and collapse at the sight of Yahaba's nose crinkling upward in distaste and possibly confusion, as he shuffles uncomfortably on his feet.

Shaking his head, Yahaba smiles, but Kyoutani accurately visualizes it more as a grimace. "It's fine. You guys are hanging out, I'm intruding. I'll head out for now-" Yahaba begins, before Watari screeches, startling both effectively, and they turn around to see Watari quickly choking down his overly large bite of his hamburger, with mayonnaise dribbling down his chin. 

"Wait!" Watari coughs, muttering: "That's heartburn right there." He clears his throat, before turning to them. "Yahaba, Kyoutani actually needs a place to stay, temporarily, and I think it'd be great if he slept at your place."

Kyoutani nearly died, and seeing Yahaba contemplate upon instinct rather to spit or kick Watari just on instinct, he figures Yahaba is probably not enjoying this shit as much as he is. While he'd gratefully accept any sort of housing, especially now that he has Shiba who he  _can't_ bring with him to some shitty hole, he really, really would prefer to avoid any awkward confrontation with Yahaba, someone who labels him as constantly inferior. That  _one_ time, that one study group together was a coincidence.

"Sure."

Kyoutani nearly got whiplash at the speed he used to snap his neck to look at Yahaba, who appears dead inside. "I mean, it'll be fine. It's not like I really have to live in the dorms anyways, our house is pretty close to the school if we take the metro in the morning." He continues flatly. "I'm sure we can work something out."  _Hahaha, no we won't, you fucker!_ He turns to Kyoutani, his appearance of listlessness vanishing momentarily, as curiosity overwhelms his features, "why do you need a place to stay all of a sudden?"

And Kyoutani wants to give him the answer he expects:  _I got evicted, I got kicked out_ , etc. And sadly enough, those are similar to the reality of his situation, and they're all something that everyone expects out of a troublesome delinquent who probably shoplifts cigarette lighters out of 7/11. And so, he turns to Watari, who just glances back at him, silent, clearly expecting Kyoutani to give him an answer he himself likes. But there is none. He doesn't want to lie.

Lying leads to more trouble.

It leads to more backhands, to more screams and shouts.

It ends up with him masking his emotions as he lies to himself how he feels, because emotions are what causes vulnerability.

Because more than once, Kyoutani has ran away from his home. And multiple times, he's found himself caught up with gangs, who lack compassion for anyone that doesn't concern their own family. Everyone else is an outsider. And Kyoutani can't blame them, but, he remembers when he was ten and witnessed his first murder. A drug dealer shot to death within a feet of him.

And he stayed frigid, as the boy with the pistol, turned to him, only maybe three years older than Kyoutani himself, quickly reload his gun. And Kyoutani ran, his heels skidding against the concrete as bullets graze the heels of his tattered sneakers.

He recalls when he was eight, with his first encounter with bullies. Homeless kids, who dirty their morals for the sake of surviving the next day, as they lash out their switchblades against him, realizing he's nothing but ragged weak shit because he was crying, unable to contain his tears as he screamed for his uncaring dad, who at that point, Kyoutani still didn't understand his sudden reserved behavior. 

Emotions are meant to be denied for the sake of survival.

And yet within these past few months, Yahaba and Watari have been notoriously known for shaking all that, as Iwaizumi rattles his brotherly affection, as sometimes Bokuto and Kuroo would be the ones to make him laugh even.

He's becoming weak, and he doesn't want to enter Yahaba's house, because that'd only make him into putty. And if Yahaba started snarling at him, he's unsure if he'd be able to retain his tears, despite all his training from when he was younger. There's something about him, that changed his emotions from not caring, to actually wanting to leave a good impression on Yahaba. He doesn't know when he's becoming overly affectionate, overly pathetic, but he really regrets letting himself become into a pitiful mess.

The old Kyoutani would snarl, growl and become a jackass by denying Watari's suggestion and shoving them aside as he storms away with his belongings and dog.

And now, here he is, frozen, unable to move, as he stares at Yahaba's anticipating countenance, his blunt nails digging into his chicken nugget.

"Ah....we don't have a house anymore because of financial issues." He finally says, willing himself to remain as closed off as possible.

When did he become so needy? Wanting Watari's smiles, wanting to actually please Yahaba, wanting to be around other people? He assumed he would stop with Iwaizumi, that Iwaizumi would be the only person he remotely cared to keep his reputation clean for, yet, here he is, with these two dumbnuts. "Oh." Yahaba hums, his face craftily blank, preventing Kyoutani from accurately deciphering his expression. "Sure. You can stay in our guest room. My sister is at her college and my parents are visiting her. So they're not here for this week, but if you're staying longer than that you'll probably meet them." He says simply, even casually mentioning the idea of Kyoutani staying for more than a week, thinking ahead of time.

And Kyoutani is impressed, grateful, and scared.

 _Yahaba may be caring for me, but I'm not opening up for him. It's just a polite transaction between two acquaintances, nothing more_.

* * *

 "Here, you can sleep here." Yahaba offers, and nodding curtly, Kyoutani enters one of the many rooms of the grandiose house that he didn't expect to ever enter in his entire life [his muddy and cracked feet are only meant for shelters, meant to dash along darkened streets defended by shards of glass from stray beer bottles], and behind him, Shiba whines as she leaps onto the bed excitedly. 

Kyoutani follows her suite, and collapses onto the bed, almost amazed by the simple touch of the mattress that practically molds around his figure. Because  _God_ he doesn't recall the last time he felt comfortable in any bed. The ones that the shelters he sometimes dropped by in when nights get too bad are just thin layers of cotton if he's lucky; And his own bed was stiff and small, the last time it was ever deemed proportional to him was when he was eight, and it carried this stench of disgust and self-deprecation, keeping him up at nights as they invade his tired mind. The mattress itself was stained with tears and torn at the edges from the times his father would enter his room shouting at night while crushing cans against his headboard over his quivering body attempting to shield itself with his blue blanket.

Shiba whines appreciatively, no longer afraid of the new environment as she prances about, straining the blankets as she twirls, her tail furiously flapping. Snorting, Kyoutani ruffles her head, as he begins to set up her bowls at the side of the room, and fills up her food one with kibble. He picks up the other, and hesitates as he leaves his bare and empty room, and into the hallway of the third floor.

Unsure, he wanders around, attempting to find a bathroom with a sink to fill up Shiba's water bowl. "Oh." Kyoutani chokes, as he does finally find the restroom, but also Yahaba, attempting to shove things into the cabinet. "Sorry." He murmurs, as Yahaba fumbles at the sound of Kyoutani's presence, squeaking. Awkwardly, he begins to leave, before Yahaba sighs and shuts the tiny closet that Kyoutani presumes to be for towels, and steps out.

"No, it's fine, I was just....cleaning some stuff up."

Kyoutani raises his eyebrows, shock painting his reddening visage. "Wow. Okay I didn't need to know-"

"God Kyoutani no- if I did have any porn magazines, they would not be in the bathroom." Yahaba chokes, flushing equally as dark as Kyoutani, who just purses his lips to stifle a laugh. "Shut up!" He whacks Kyoutani in the shoulder, who in response, stiffens slightly, but since he's used to the claps that Iwaizumi would send onto his back whenever he gave a good spike, or when Hanamaki and Matsukawa would simultaneously lean onto him, Kyoutani doesn't react as largely as he would've when he was younger and unaccustomed to physical contact that doesn't lead to pain. "I just....I had a bunch of rubber ducks that my older sister left for me." He mutters. "And it felt weird to leave them all out in the bathtub, since you'll be using this one." 

Kyoutani blinks, twitching as Shiba nuzzles up from behind him, clearly curious as to where his owner has gone in such a new territory. "You have a collection of rubber ducks?" He laughs, and faces Yahaba, who's staring, clearly startled by the idea that Kyoutani isn't a shitty bully who'd probably laugh at something one would usually deem childish. "When I was younger, I had a collection of Barbies if that helps." And Kyoutani wonders if he'd regret revealing that sacred piece of information, but to his pleasure, Yahaba genuinely chortles at his confession, clearly appreciative of Kyoutani's attempt of lightening the mood.

And Kyoutani thinks that maybe things won't be so bad.

* * *

Oh shit things were bad.

Of course, he should've known that Yahaba would've been curious about his life, considering everything and the fact that he lives with him now, but Kyoutani certainly didn't have an answer planned ahead of time to such inquires. He usually that snarls the comments away, unwillingly to answer with anything other than glowers and threatening rude gestures. But now, underneath Yahaba's grace of being granted a temporary home, he supposes he should at least attempt to get along with him.

"Um. My parents....aren't really here right now." Kyoutani finally uneasily replies, not wanting to diminish the easy atmosphere that was beginning to circulate. It's only been a day of him living with Yahaba, who has informed his parents that a friend will be staying with them. And Kyoutani's honestly concerned about meeting Yahaba's family, he's certainly not comfortable with such an idea, especially with people that he feels pressured to impress since they're offering a home to him.

Kyoutani contemplated more than once just fibbing to Yahaba about his current predicament, and finding another shelter, but he can't. Not without abandoning Shiba at least; what shelter allows animals to live there, when they already consider the matted and abused children as the same species? While his father's certainly to  _some_ extent slightly abusive  _[Kyoutani, still lying to yourself? He's certainly abusive! Whatcha on right now?]_ the shelter was a lot worse, and living with other children, and being with them is much unlike many stories he's read in books about the kids stuffed in an orphanage. The children ranging from various ages aren't family. They don't want to become family. Kids run away or get lucky and possibly get adopted by kind families [usually only the little children are granted with mercy, however] and due to the constant circulation of newcomers and people leaving, nobody stays long enough to build relationships. Everyone knew to defend themselves from emotions, hardening their attitudes and toxicating their morals instead, as they prioritize only themselves above everything else. Every kid for themselves, and Kyoutani knew that older people living there would steal away his dog to sell or some shit.

"Your parents....if they want can come stay here." Yahaba offers not unkindly, his tone of voice light and flippant, clearly trying to create an easygoing mood for both of them to ease any sense of awkwardness. "Also, here." He offers milk to Kyoutani, as he pours his own cereal into another bowl. 

"Thanks. And no, it's fine."

"Kyoutani...." He uncaps the gallon of milk, and absentmindedly pours some into his own bowl of Cheerios. 

"My mom left. Turned out she died." Kyoutani blurts out, any sense of panic for talking about such information dulling, as he shakily realizes that he simply doesn't give a fuck anymore. He's tired.

He's emotionally tired.

He just wants to sleep.  _[Just wants to sleep? After burdening Yahaba with such information, with trying to guilt-trip him for feeling bad for what he's done to you? Isn't that selfish of you?]_ He doesn't care. There's no sense of relief to his new insatiable need for affection as he opens his mouth, ready to continue talking. There's no sense of trepidation or fear that lace along with his summary of memories, as he stirs his Cheerios dumbly in the milk, watching the grain pellets begin to get soggy. 

Ew.

_Soggy cereal._

"Yeah. So she left. And my dad didn't really like me after that."  _[Dangerous territory.]_ Kyoutani's not dumb. He knows that typically, most people even Yahaba who turns out to not be such a dick as he once thought, would offer sympathies or awkward guilt when they realize his previous abusive experience. However, there's the underlying fright that perhaps it'll just shatter their fragile relationship, as Yahaba becomes too scared to interact with someone he doesn't know how to handle with. He doesn't want anything to change, he doesn't want to be treated differently. He doesn't want Yahaba to be burdened with the possible guilt of accidentally 'hurting' him by mentioning insults about his families. He doesn't care, he doesn't mind the insults, because at least that means that they're still  _something_ , something better than just uncomfortable silences and empty comforting words.

And though he attempts to ignore such reality, but a bit of him, after living alone with someone who  _hated_ him [and really, such a gut-wrenching thought would've normally made him cry, but at the moment, he's too gone for such a response] is scared that Yahaba will see him through the same perspective his father saw him. Something irreparable and damaged, a deranged kid who will drive them to alcohol. [Kyoutani knew it wasn't his fault his father ended this way. But some nights, after hearing his father sob and scream that it was, that he was the reason depression driven deep into his mind, that his mother was gone, that everything went to shit, it's hard to think otherwise].

He doesn't want pity or comforting words. Because while he's aware that Yahaba is considerate and kind about things, there's no way for him to truly relate, to truly understand what Kyoutani wants, what Kyoutani feels. He doesn't want another version of him, another image of himself imprinted in Yahaba's mind, the image not being what he truly is and experienced before. 

He doesn't want to become another fake experiment.

But he can't stop talking.

 _Because I'm tired. I don't care anymore_. _[D, for depression the dick]_

Kyoutani's not depressed. Or maybe he is. He finds himself unable to feel any sort of reaction to such a realization. _[Depressed like my father. Karma]_  

"And my dad didn't like me. Yeah." He finishes. And all of a sudden, a trembling wave of emotions flood through him.  _God I should've kept my mouth shut._ His listless visage floods with life as he clenches his spoon. Because while he doesn't care anymore about how he's interpreted by Yahaba, he doesn't want Yahaba to think his father's a bad person. He wants to defend his dad. He doesn't want Yahaba to think anything bad about his dad, though he can tell that Yahaba already misunderstood his father judging by the look of absolute trauma flickering over the other boy's features.

"Kyou-"

"My dad isn't a bad person." Kyoutani breathes. "H-he's not a bad person." He whispers, and at this, Yahaba just presses his lips thinly together, clear disapproval in his eyes morphing into anger, something that Kyoutani himself can easily identify due to his familiarity with it. "I know, he done bad things, but that doesn't make him a bad person."  _[But Mad Dog-chan]_ an eerily irritating voice that causes his spine to arch as he bristles, floats through his ears.  _[Those things that make you consider daddy as a good person, the times when he'd cry at your bedside with a hangover for forgiveness, when he stared at you longingly and sadly while sober and stumbling back from work with an ache, are you sure that's still your dad from years ago? Maybe he's not the angry version of dad, the one when he's drunk, but are you sure that's really your dad anymore?_ _Get over it, Kyoutani._ You lost him years ago]

And maybe Kyoutani would've escaped his thoughts alive, until one sentence spoken with a firm and hardened voice that clearly conveyed no sense of possible debate to change their opinion, confirms everything his sneering conscience was attempting to tell him. It tears through the false atmosphere of happiness they all tried to put up earlier, as well as shredding Kyoutani's reasoning for hope.

"Kyoutani, why are you defending your dad?"

And Kyoutani's spoon splatters into his cereal, and milk splatters over his trembling hands as his eyes buzz with heat while he tastes salty tears dripping onto his cracked lips.

* * *

The way that Kyoutani's expression changed so swiftly, as if his emotional state just dipped to the other side of the spectrum, was fascinating yet alarming to Yahaba. The first mention of his parents, Kyoutani seemed distant, but not in a wistful or dreamy way. As if he was no longer Kyoutani, just his voice speaking straightforwardly as his real-self vanished, leaving his expression blank and his eyes hooded in a state of boredom.

And then when Kyoutani mentioned his father, Yahaba felt as if he swallows frozen glass, frosted and chilled in a freezer, as it teared through his gut and injected ice into his bloodstream.

He could practically feel his face contorting into absolute horror and disgust as Kyoutani implied his father's abusive nature, and it's as if his own curdling taste of emotions flickered on Kyoutani's feelings. The other boy's expression practically dropped, his eyes no longer seemingly hazy and uncaring as they brighten with clear fright. Not for his father, but for Yahaba.

As if afraid that Yahaba would get the wrong idea of his father.  _And that was the worst expression Yahaba's ever encountered._  

 _"Kyoutani, why are you defending your dad?"_ He finds himself asking coldly, staring at Kyoutani.

And then Kyoutani Kentarou, the boy who caused tears to erupt from the ones he snarled at, the one whose countenance was constantly bitter and distrustful, started crying.

"Kyoutani I'm-"

_"Don't touch me."_

He stares at the hunched figure at the boy at the end of his circular dinner table. The boy that Yahaba hated so much. And silently, deciding that it'd be only kind of him to accept Kyoutani's wish, slowly begins to clean up their uneaten breakfast, leaving the boy to try and muffle the dry, shoulder-racking sobs rippling through his quivering body. 

And Yahaba says nothing, as he reaches into his freezer and pulls out a tub of ice cream and sets it on the table, causing it to rattle. Kyoutani just buries his face into his knees. 

Really, Yahaba never expected to find himself in such a position. To have someone he previously thought to be arrogant, someone who caused trouble for the sake of preserving his pride or proving himself to be tougher than others, sobbing in his house. And even more, he's exposing problems perhaps even subconsciously judging by his distant expression he had when doing it, and proving himself to actually not that bad of a person since he helped Yahaba with his homework the other night. 

"You're not allergic to anything right?"

"I'm allergic to cats." Kyoutani's voice cracks through his tears, and Yahaba's glad that at least Kyoutani's still partially with him. 

"Wait a minute-"

"Yeah but I love Minnie too much. My allergy isn't that severe anyways." Kyoutani whispers, his words nearly incomprehensable as his mouth is currently buried against his stained jeans. Yahaba makes a note to himself to lend Kyoutani some of his clothes. It never really concerned him until now, but he does recall rarely seeing Kyoutani wear anything visibly different. He typically wears the same pants and hoodie each day, it never really occurred to Yahaba until now that maybe Kyoutani isn't wearing the same attire out of laziness, but because he doesn't have a huge wardrobe to choose from in the first place. "Anyways. About me crying...."

"I won't mention it unless if you want me to." Yahaba whispers, and at this, Kyoutani peers up, his hands still twisting against one another around the knees he curled up against his chest. His eyes are swollen and flushed a hazy pink, the dark circles blossomed underneath the veined orbs sagging lower, and overall, he looks like shit. And maybe it's out of awkward desperation to try and get Kyoutani to smile, to not look so vulnerable since he figures Kyoutani doesn't want to be like this around him, he says: "You look like you just got run over."

And he stops, hoping that Kyoutani won't take him as being cruel especially since they didn't really have a noticeable record of good previous interactions, but Kyoutani just mirthlessly grins at his statement. "Shut up."

Snorting, Yahaba pops open the huge carton of ice cream. "Whenever I get upset, I just eat a lot." Yahaba admits. "Ice cream's the best after crying or screaming, soothes your throat." He adds, as he reaches behind him into the kitchen drawer and grabs two huge spoons. "It's mint-chocolate chip flavored. Classic fan favorite." He adds, and hands one spoon over to Kyoutani, who smiles shyly, and to Yahaba, it looks strange upon the harsh face etched with permanent lines from scowling, but not unpleasant. "And...I know I said I wouldn't bring it up, but really. If you ever want to talk about anything, you can talk to me." Knowing Kyoutani probably wouldn't ever approach him, Yahaba adds, "and. I don't want to make this sound as if your life is a story, but really, I'm interested. I want to know and hear more about you." He adds. "So yeah." He fumbles over his words.

"Okay. Thanks." Kyoutani answers shortly, returning to his usual habit of just talking with one-word responses. "I'd....like to hear more about your family too. Before they come back from their trip." He awkwardly instigates the continuation of this conversation, which surprisingly, makes Yahaba happy to know that Kyoutani at least wants to try and hold one with him. 

Winding through their legs, Shiba whines pitifully as she watches her owner and who she believes is his friend, eat something without her. She has no idea what it is, but she wants it.

"Well." Yahaba pauses for a moment, as he waits for the ice cream to soften a bit before scraping a huge chunk out of the container. He knows that Kyoutani's too socially inapt [it's true no matter how harsh] to commence anything first, especially in Yahaba's house, so he figures he might as well first eat to let Kyoutani he can as well. "They left to go see my older sister who's in college towns away. She's a brat. When she left, told me to not touch her room and that if she ever comes back to this household again it's to see Minnie. She loves us though," he finishes dryly. "Then there's my dad," he studies Kyoutani's expression discreetly, unsure if it'd be inconsiderate about talking about his own parents, when clearly Kyoutani had problems with his own. When Kyoutani doesn't react other than scooping up some ice cream for himself, he continues. "He works at her university actually." He adds. "But my sister, Mari pretends he doesn't exist whenever they pass each other in the hallways." He snorts. "My mom works as this huge company's CEO, so she's usually not home since some days she just stays at her workplace overnight. But she tries to make it home each weekend." He says. "But right now they're all seeing Mari since she never comes home other than holidays." He explains. 

"And I'll meet them...."

"Next week." he smiles shakily, and at this, he notes Kyoutani's dilated eyes and knotted lips of distress. "Don't worry. They'll love you." He reassures, and Kyoutani just rigidly nods. "My dad will adopt you automatically. He loved Watari, he'll love you." Yahaba doesn't admit the possibility that Kyoutani might leave before a week, but for some unidentifiable reason, he feels his tastebud sour against the creamy dessert at the thought of losing Kyoutani so quickly. Which is weird. Because it's not like he  _hates_ Kyoutani anymore, but there's no reason to want the boy to stay. His appetite dies at the thought of Kyoutani alone and having to face an unrealistic situation with his dad after leaving Yahaba. Almost defensively, he continues to talk as if he's trying to convince Kyoutani to stay forever: "My dad is great at cooking. He loves everyone. My mom is strict but she's never turned down anyone before, and she even loves our annoying neighbor. They will honestly take you in as their own child and send you to school with homemade lunches each day. They still do that with Watari whenever he comes to visit them with me, even though we're both in college." 

And it was soft and gentle, but Yahaba could hear the worry and self-distaste hidden in Kyoutani's response: "I'm nothing like Watari."

Yahaba sighs. "When I first met you, I didn't like you." He starts, and feels guilt slosh in himself as he sees Kyoutani's failing attempt at hiding his crestfallen countenance. "Like. I thought you didn't care about anything and stuff. But really, you didn't do anything to personally attack me, and you try to avoid trouble. I thought you always went after trouble, but that was because I made it up. Now that I think about it, you try to not get involved with bullies and others in general. And you're actually really nice." He awkwardly attempts to comfort Kyoutani.

He doesn't know how to explan it. It's not as if Kyoutani is a bad person, but it's true that his first impressions aren't necessarily the best- even he can't deny such a fact. And he doesn't even know where both of them stand concerning relationships. However, he wants to defend this stupid idiot. He's not sure  _why_ , but a sense of protectiveness washes over any sense of hatred he had for him before. "You're pretty amazing." He adds with finality, not even sure what he's saying anymore.

"I'm-" Kyoutani stares at Yahaba. "Thanks. You know. Yeah thanks."

It's not like he hates Kyoutani. Not anymore.

And yeah Kyoutani has some family problems, things that he won't ask Kyoutani about. Because he doesn't have a right to ask him. He doesn't know how severe his family problems were, he has no idea what he really went through.

But that doesn't mean he like him, just because he feels pity and sympathy for him.

Yet, as Yahaba studies the way that Kyoutani's nose crinkles upwards as ice cream smears on the tip of it while he tries to lick the remainder of the ice cream off his spoon, Yahaba decides that maybe living with Kyoutani won't be as hard as he thought it would be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all do you want me to bring back Kyoutani's dad at one point? Like somewhere in the story, to create more drama or character development?
> 
> Also i'm beginning to realize I took a lot of headcanons [aka the rubber ducks] from this other kyouhaba fic called 'Running in Place' by cleiioo and holy shit i never noticed until now you guys. Also this author and fic is amazing you should all check her out.


	8. aaisdf'j

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guESS WHO HASNT DIED YET

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also--
> 
> I actually forgot this was Kyoutani/Yahaba. I'm so bad at romance I can't even make myself look at them romantically??   
> I also completely forgot Yakulev and Matsuhana and Iwaoi was in here too. Like I'm so bad with romance that if I see two canon characters meant for each other I'm like 'whoa look they're such good friends'.
> 
> But I love reading fics with romance between htme because I like seeing their dynamic which always amkes me happy about it? But I don't actually see it as romance??? Like the only romance I comprehend is irl and that's with other people too like I guess I kinda ship other peopel together as long as it doesn't include me?
> 
> I'm like 105% sure I'm aromantic but when I try to tell others I don't feel romantic attraction they're lke 'wait until you become a senior and you'll be dating so many people- I used to feel the same way you did' and like I sorta understand that because maybe I'm just a bit too immature? Like I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic until I'm not but I don't know if I'll ever be 'not'.
> 
> Like srsly aromantic is like: 'hey i'm either a temporary label or a permanent label, but im not gonna tell you ;^) so have fun not knowing if you could ever like someone romantically even tho youre okay with it but at the same time not since you dont know how you feel about liking someone that way'
> 
> hEy i'm sorry for this pretty boring chapter.
> 
> I'm so bad at tthis like this chapter is actually pretty shitty. 
> 
> I need plOT ADVAnCEMent.
> 
> Also I don't know if I want to bring in Kyoutani's dad. I know it stirs more drama, but the thing is I want to continue wtih teh idea of a kid moving on, of learning new things and I don't want his father to be thrown in for just drama, I want like. A reason fro his return. 
> 
> Idk. I feel so horribel saying this, but i feel bad for making Kyoutani's dad like this. I would never forgive or justify a person for treating their kid the way he treats kyoutani, but he's lost everything, including his son's respect, and it's like an alcoholic. ONce they get one drink even when they want to quit, they decide that 'I already drank one, might as well drink more'. That's his personality- once he hurts his son, he decides he's sunken so low why even bother climbing out now.  
> Basically depression.  
> I kinda wanna giv his dad a happy ending because I pity him for losing everything including being trapped in his own cycle of repeating bad habits, but at the same time in a way, it's somewhat his fault. It's his fault for not getting help. But at the same time it's not.  
> I don't even know????????????????/

"Wait."

Kyoutani blinks hazily, glancing up from his laptop screen and at Yahaba, who stolen the desk of the room he lended to Kyoutani. "Hm?" Kyoutani rasps, shifting against the rumpled bedsheets. It's been around four days since they've coexisted in the same property without killing something, and Yahaba has been around him enough to confidently make the assumption it won't take long before Kyoutani collapses from simple boredom of staring at his essay for the past thirty minutes.

"When we first met, you said you punched me because someone paid you. Who paid you?" Yahaba inquires curiously, recalling that memory. At the mention of said recollection, Kyoutani recoils on his bed, hissing. In response Yahaba snorts, flicking his pencil at the boy, and batting away the pillow tossed aggressively at him in retaliation. "Shut up. Tell me!" He gripes.

"I don't even know!"

Yahaba stares, feigning disdain to illustrate his features. "Wow. Have some standards," he scoffs. "If you're going to accept a request from a stranger then you should've gathered information on who they were."

Kyoutani huffs with a roll of his eyes, and Yahaba is slightly startled that the kid hasn't retorted with a justification for his actions. And, as a possibility as to why he hasn't dawns upon him, Yahaba flinches in self-scorn.  _Of course Kyoutani wouldn't even have an excuse for what he's done- he was desperate, it's not as if he had his dad to take care of his financial issues. I guess if I was Kyoutani, I wouldn't take normal precautions if it comes to doing something seemingly harmless in comparison to my own problems for even a little amount of cash._ Drowning in self-revulsion at his stupidity, he flusters about, attempting to restart the conversation.

It always ends up that way.

They'd be talking, and Yahaba would surprisingly enjoy it, and then something would intervene, and they could never rekindle the fire that fueled their conversation in the first place. Which is extremely frustrating, and probably a week ago he'd definitely blame it on Kyoutani's behalf for being so 'isolated' and 'mean', but he's more mature and understanding than that by this point. _Therefore, I unfortunately can't just throw a temper tantrum instead._  

"What'd he look like?" Yahaba asks. Kyoutani looks up from his glowing screen, his eyes hatched with veins, and Yahaba is slightly worried for the other's current sanity. "Also, you should stop before English doesn't even look like a real language anymore." He advises, though he knows that foreign language is important if they ever do visit America and its progressive (debatable) society and economy. "But tell me. What did the kid who dared you to punch me look like?"

Blinking, Kyoutani's face contorts into one of his various familiarized scowls (but now, Yahaba knows it's not directed at him, but rather, it's just a reaction to sudden shock). "Um. I don't think he went to our school. He was wearing another university's sweatshirt." He explains unhelpfully. "Looked like a bird. Harassed a lot of girls until they told him to piss off, and he apologized, which made me want to punch him less. Blond hair with shaved sides. Had a tongue piercing." His face twists some more. "He looked like a banana."

At this, Yahaba chokes stiffly on his Doritos, and Kyoutani (that fucker) doesn't even glance at him, as he continues scrolling down his essay in a failing attempt to proof-read it with exhaustion slumping over his figure. "Oh my God, I forgot he even _existed_. Of course he'd go after me- probably recognized me as one of Daichi's mates." He groans, scattering his papers as he flops onto his desk. "That guy you met, his name is Terushima-san....and he and Daichi had....an interesting relationship with one another back in high school days." He shudders, recalling one time while going into the bathroom (only to nearly run into the Shrimp) and ended up stumbling into a war zone where Terushima attempted to flirt with Kiyoko, Sugawara ready to fight Terushima, and Daichi threw his phone at Terushima. He also witnessed their faces when Terushima just winked after he neatly caught Daichi's phone, inputted his number into it since it was conveniently unlocked, and left, with Kiyoko blinking, Hinata running out of the bathroom since he ran into Iwaizumi and Oikawa, and Sugawara cussing and straining his gym towel, definitely ready to chase the delinquent to give him the Whip of Justice for messing with his friends. 

Sugawara accidentally snapped his towel at Yahaba instead. 

Yahaba was brutally scarred that night.

To this day, he can't even look at Sugawara in the face. 

"Yep. We all knew each other and it was a very interesting time." he sighs, reorganizing his worksheets. 

Waiting for a dismissive snort from Kyoutani at the very least, he cranes around in his chair while ignoring his quaking spine that's stiff from his posture, trying to get a glance at the blond.  _Perhaps he fell asleep?_   But Kyoutani seems even more aware than he was five seconds ago, his normally narrowed eyes rounded into unreadable globules. Yahaba could barely distinguish the glint of curiosity that's drowning within the other emotions circling his amber retinas. He realizes he finds it irritating and almost disappointing he cannot identify the other emotions.

"What's up?" He asks. Kyoutani, even when he's intrigued, never appeared so due to his own pride or some shit- Yahaba isn't really sure as to why, but Kyoutani in general is a private person who already lacked enough social skills as possible. Therefore, he's never actually  _seen_ Kyoutani's eyes go as innocently curious as his, reflecting childlike confusion. Kyoutani normally would've just huffed with his eyes permanently glued to the ground, or awkwardly fumbled over his traitorous tongue if he wanted to ask something with his glare honed and sharpened unconsciously, but never has Kyoutani's features become like  _this._ It's as if he's simply baffled by the existence of Yahaba at the moment.

"You knew Daichi beforehand?"

"Uh. Yeah? Our schools often competed with each other."

"And the blonde asshole with the tongue piercing?"

He gives an affirmative nod.

"Who did you not know?"

At this, Yahaba blinks, startled. "Um. I'm not sure. Because all of us are coincidentally connected through high school volleyball teams, we all knew each other for a while. We just never really talked to each other as even acquaintances until we went to the same college, where now we ended up as somewhat friends." He ends with a quirk in his voice, almost questioning the label he put onto his relationship with others. "But yeah, we had our fair share of memories together," he confesses flippantly, using his nonchalant tone to obscure his internal and eternal cringing.

He could practically hear Oikawa's typically low timbre pitch up to shrill shrieks as he rants on Kageyama....

And suddenly war flashbacks are splicing through his mind, reminding him of some of the many mentally traumatizing memories he had in his high school years:

Bokuto and Kuroo's both sitting in the front seat of a huge minivan they were all piled into (huge mistake, since they've practically imprisoned themselves with those two abusing their powers as the driver) and refusing to change the radio from Gwen Stefani as they all went to the beach together. (Bokuto's English was undeniably horrible, and even when they drove back at the end of the day- this time Daichi insisting he drove, they learned Bokuto's singing in general was just bad, and it had nothing to do with the language) That afternoon ended with Oikawa waking up, extremely sun burnt excluding the untanned part of his chest where Nishinoya and Tanaka paired with the Meme Team™ and drew a dick there with sun lotion....

And that one time he nearly died when Tanaka's crazy ass sister drove him and awkwardly enough- Ushijima, as both of them somewhat bonded over their close swerve with death every time Saeko gunned it over a speed bump (there's a mutual and unsaid agreement between them that they'll never bring up that memory to others)....

He recalls when the seniors all graduated- as in the people of Iwaizumi's years, and all of them realizing they were all lonesome fucks since they couldn't play volleyball with their usual school friends as a graduation celebration. So, in a sudden (and really questionable) thought, they made the ~~mistake~~  decision of ringing up all the other volley ball teams that they were connected with, and told them they were all invited over (despite Iwaizumi's consistent shrieks of 'no' and that they were going to give his mom a heart attack if fifty savages appear in his house. Yahaba supposes they were lucky that Iwaizumi's parents were conveniently out that day for a high school reunion party). It ended with Tanaka having a concussion after Kiyoko asked him to due a cheerleading stunt with Terushima and Yamaguchi, Kuroo banned from handling the barbecue and burning half of Iwaizumi's front lawn, Asahi sent home after collapsing for the third time at the sight of Hanamaki and Matsukawa ripping their shirts off and screaming at the roof of Iwaizumi's house, and the neighbors calling the police in suspicion that there was an alcohol fueled party going on when it was just all of them screaming at the final match between Aone and Hinata, on who'd win in the absolute best of the best in Mario Cart....

"And I even knew Kiyoko and Yachi," he finishes fluidly, not caring for honorifics on their names, since now they're all dying in college together, they don't even care about grade separations since if they're going down together, they're going down together as one. It's an unspoken understanding amongst every college student excluding frat boys.

Kyoutani's eyes shutters, returning to their normally slanted shape that always makes him look angry, his lashes shutting out any possibility of Yahaba reading through them. 

"Did you play volley ball for high school?"

A grunt. Yahaba knows by now that it's a 'yes'. Noting how Kyoutani's surprised aura of doubt yet curiosity has plummeted to his usual, unreadable atmosphere, he figures that Kyoutani is done talking.

But Yahaba isn't.

And he knows not to step over lines.

But feeling as if he deserves  _some_ sort of payment (not that he really minds, he just wants an excuse to be prodding for more information about anything from this constantly angry cat- yes, Kyoutani appears more of a devilish cat than a dog in his opinion) for even such a small amount of information he gave Kyoutani, he continues prodding. "Which high school did you play for?" He asks. "I don't think I've ever seen you before? What about your friends?" 

"They didn't count."

* * *

Kyoutani sometimes wishes he didn't have this relationship. Which of course, whenever such a claim snarls through the mouths of his personified anger, he automatically disperses it with even _more_ anger. Because that always works out for him in the end. 

Besides if he never met someone like Yahaba, if someone even  _dares_ to take it away from him, he might as well just not try to even make knew friends, or bother to become on acquainted terms with anyone. He doesn't want to put effort into a relationship when he knows he'll never be connected. He'll never trust someone else who doesn't know his past. With Yahaba, he was forced into it, almost unwillingly since he never bothered to ever mention his life to anyone, he realized he actually has to explain himself. To explain things, to admit, to confess, and to make Yahaba understand before he himself is misunderstood. And God that was so much work. At first he was bitter at life for tearing his jaw open and spilling out his secrets with spite. And his disdain for Yahaba actually temporarily gotten worse when he realized that he prefers spitting out his secrets and his own thoughts since he'd rather do so than to have anyone fucking misunderstand him. Preferring something, to him, basically means he's cornered into something and he hates that, he hates that  _anything_ could ever make him feel that way, could ever hold it over him because that's  _weak._  But now, he knows that Yahaba is his only opportunity for figuring out how to make friends, and how to open up to someone other than his dog (who he loves very much, but never responds).

And besides, even if he wants to return to their old relationship just for the benefits of being able to slip back into his own, comforting sense of power where he knows he still had the ability, the control to push others away even when he couldn't do the same with his dad, where he just had to whip around and pound a glower into someone to get them to leave him alone- he would never want Yahaba to leer and condescendingly glare at him like he used to.

Because in the end, even Yahaba Shittgeru wasn't that much of a jackass.

Oddly enough, though he doesn't hold Yahaba to high regards in how much he likes him, he still feels the most like himself because Yahaba already knows about his past. Watari is an extremely close second, especially since he bought him chicken nuggets, but Yahaba simply knows more. He likes Watari better, but he feels more comfortable with Yahaba.

So, respiring shakily, Kyoutani feels ashamed for feeling ashamed. It's a very familiar feeling; shame that is- the boiling of his blood and fire lit in the back of his throat, smoking out all his words without filter. It's too similar to anger, something that he's always bunched his other feelings into. But shame is worse. 

"My high school didn't really care. My entire volley ball club hated me because I wasn't a team player." He laughs bitterly, and he feels so fucking childish for admitting that's the reason why he probably never appeared with the others. He feels acid seep into his tone. And the worst part is, he can't even find a reason to justify his attitude. He knew he had family problems, but other than those experiences shortening the fuse to his temper, and descending the numbers of his timed bomb that explodes his emotions everywhere and hurts and sets everyone around him ablaze with his own fucking emotions, it really wasn't the reason why.

He looked down on the team. He found them all inferior. They never cared about volley ball, they never bothered to try. They just cared about having fun. And Kyoutani who believes if one is to dedicate themselves to something that's important to others, they must commit. It's responsibility and obligation. But he shouldn't have shoved it onto them because who was he back then to have done that? Some idiot with anger issues?

"I never had friends in high school."  _Oh shit that wasn't ready to come out._ He snaps his head upwards, and feels his neck strain as his face contorts into disdain at the sight of pity clouding Yahaba's fixated eyes. "It's nothing bad. I was alone for the most of my life, and-"  _I'm not alone now, aren't I? I feel happier than I've been for years, even happier than when I received a letter saying I got a scholarship._ "I'm fine now. I have Watari." And, feeling his tongue recoil habitually, he nearly chokes on it because he's _that much of an asshole_ who doesn't like to say things that appear embarrassing or 'unmanly'. But he forces his next words out. "And I met people here. Even Oikawa that piece of whiny shit isn't that bad. And Iwaizumi. And you. I guess." By this point, Kyoutani knew that he planned to spit out these words nonchalantly, but now, he can't even look at Yahaba out of embarrassment. 

 _But this type of embarrassment isn't shame. In fact, if I felt ashamed for admitting those things, then I'd be truly weak wouldn't I._ This sensation flushes heat through his body, but it's not too hot that it's boiling his blood. It's not shattering his logic or common sense or reacting with his arms raised defensively and his knuckles white from their tightness. It's not hurting him in a way that brings up anger, just a pathetic sense of fear at being laughed at or looking pitiful and almost delusional. 

"It's....kinda my first time feeling like a normal kid." He feels cliché the moment he admitted such a disgusting and pitiful confession out of his instinctively snarling mouth, but for some reason, he felt scared. Yahaba doesn't dislike him per-say, but he knows that while Yahaba may like him now, he's not 'special' to him other than the fact he's housing him. Watari, Oikawa, Matsukawa and Hanamaki, all those people are closer to Yahaba than he'll ever be. And he's not resentful or jealous of that- he's quite content with not being disliked by some kid his age for once. But he wonders if he said some weird ass shit.

And he wonders if he's forcing a sense of obligation onto Yahaba. He knows that him admitting something like that, is almost a threat:  _see how fragile I am, how weak I am? If you leave me now imagine what'll happen._  He hates that threat, because he's not thinking that. He's not a weak piece of shit like that. He's mad at the underlying assumption beneath his confession. He hates it. He doesn't need others, even if he wants others, and he doesn't want Yahaba to think that he now has to become close friends with Kyoutani because he's apparently special to Kyoutani in some weirdass perspective.

And he hates that.

He doesn't want Yahaba to view him as an obligation, or doesn't want him to start thinking Kyoutani is clingy or being much too attached to him,  _when he's not._

Because he's fine alone.

He actually is.

And then he feels the odd warmth encasing him. The arms gently looped over his shoulder, and the weight added onto the bed that makes it yawn slightly.

It's gentle, soft, and comforting.

_And he hates it._

He instinctively, without even contemplating his actions as he inhaled sharply after the initial shock of feeling the sudden heat of another body and jerks free of the grip. He yanks himself out of the hands trapping him and pinning him before they'll eventually hurt him. Reflexively, he also snaps his arm to the side, hearing a sharp slap as his wrist smacks against flesh.

His lungs rattling, he slams himself backwards in hopes of being able to escape the touch and find a temporary sense of peace where he can gather himself and properly defend himself against the attacker. His vision bobs in and out of focus before fixating upon Yahaba, who's at the other end of the bed. And gradually, the warmth from the hug ceases to exist as the corner where the cold walls met extinguishes it. The corner where he retreated to reminds him that he got away from the strong arms, the ones that are warm but connected to a cold heart and numbed brain. Because closets can't hurt him. Walls cannot hit him. When he's backed up against the wall, there's a dizzying sense of trepidation as he hears footsteps clomp by where he's curled up against, almost reminding him that he's not found yet as the coldness of the walls keep him alert. Yet, the chill also warns him that he's hiding and that when he's hiding, that means there's something out there ready to find and catch him.

The heat finally fades, and he sighs into the comfort of the coldness.

"I'm sorry. I should've asked before touching you." Yahaba's face has crumpled, and Kyoutani mirrors the guilt upon his features, feeling it crash onto him heavily for making Yahaba feel bad for such an innocent action. "I- I'm sorry." He repeats, clearly unsure of what to do.

And Kyoutani himself isn't faring more knowledgeable either. He knows he's glaring, because God when was he  _not?_ And though he knows he's breathing is staccato and dancing in different tempos. The effects of his breathing patterns are showing since he can feel his mind is cramping and the colors in the corner of his vision bleeds together. Swallowing down the rapid pants, he respires more sluggish ones. 

"Not your fault." He mutters quickly, knowing that he has to at least get something out before he can't exhale any words properly. 

He wants to get mad.

It's comforting, more familiar than the warmth than the hug. Anger is a dangerously snappish feeling. Hot, overwhelming and relieving at that since it practically burns down any sense of self-control anymore, almost euphoric for him.

And he wants to get mad because  _fuck yeah_ Yahaba shouldn't have touched him. Nobody gets that permission-  _nobody_  gets to feel as if they're close enough with him to be worthy of goddamn touching him. 

But the fire dies out, leaving him more exhausted as he's coughing up unsatisfactory ashes. 

"Not your fault." He repeats. "And it's fine. You were just trying to help." And Kyoutani knows he's not saying the latter part for Yahaba, but rather, for himself, as if to remind himself why it wouldn't be fair of him to get mad at Yahaba who had no harmful intent.  _But when was the last time someone touched me without malice?_ Even the apologetic and tired hugs (that he rarely gets anyways) from his dad were cruel and just fragments of glass in his heart. Because those hugs are only a plea of forgiveness, and a reminder that the hugs are empty and unpromising. Those hugs were hurtful in their own way, too.

"Do you need help with your essay?"

Opening his mouth, ready to deny Yahaba's meek and pathetic offer, clamps close as he nods.

"Okay. Here, I'll proof-read it. And don't worry, I went through more studying with Watari so my English shouldn't be too bad. You just go to sleep."

* * *

Yahaba wants to scream.

But screaming means waking up Kyoutani, something that would be cruel for even him to do. Even himself from a week ago wouldn't have done that to another kid who's also stirred in the cooking pot full of a broth made out of students' tears and them being the meat themselves, all set over a fire lit by their professors. 

However, because he's  _fucking amazing_ (and it'd be pathetic of him to not be able to go through this essay considering how many strategies and booklets that Oikawa hand-typed he had to go through within days before he was placed as Seijou's team captain) he does finally finish revising Kyoutani's essay on biology. At this, he shuts Kyoutani's laptop, and plugged it into the charger so that the next morning (he's actually pretty sure it's technically morning by that point, considering how late he's stayed up) it wouldn't be dead, and glances at the boy himself.

He figured that Kyoutani would be able to sleep well even with the lights still on. For one, it's not like he'd be complaining on the account of sleeping. Secondly, he's starting to believe Kyoutani has a slight fear of the dark. The hints are shown through slivers cracked over his vague behavioral acts. Kyoutani would never sleep without his desk lamp on. Yahaba never really noticed this until two days ago, when he was getting water and realized there was light under Kyoutani's door, and assuming he was still awake, was ready to tell him off and scold him to sleep (after the multiple sleepovers with other volleyball teams and just regular ones with his own high school one, he's gained a lot of habits from Iwaizumi and Yaku who chases all of them to futons despite Oikawa and Akaashi making all of them watch volley ball games- all which were only enjoyed by Kageyama), only to find Kyoutani curled sideways on his rumpled bedsheets, and his desk lamp burning.

He turned it off.

In the morning, he went to wake up Kyoutani, who always tries to sneak in hours of sleep since he's grown extremely attached to Yahaba's guest bed (a relationship he accepts and isn't willing to question), only for Kyoutani to jackknife up, and panic automatically at the dimness of his room, grasping Yahaba's hands and shouting various phrases (with very interesting choices of words that he doesn't dare repeat) along the lines of 'don't touch me'. And Yahaba, who honestly is not prepared for anything before eight o' clock, panicked too, nearly having a heart attack from Kyoutani's hoarse shouts, fumbled with the lights.

The moment the lights flooded the room, Kyoutani calmed, before attempting to smother Yahaba to death with a pillow for going into his room without permission.

Yahaba promptly reminded him that he's the only reason why they even get to first class on time. Also pulled the card that the guest room was technically his room.

Kyoutani stopped asphyxiating him. 

Shaking his head at the sketchy recollection of that day, he leaves the desk lamp untouched and on, as he shuts the door.

Kyoutani is very peculiar about that. Whenever they both walk down the hallway to go to the kitchen, quiet (but not an uncomfortable or awkward sense of quiet where both feel the need to converse) and internally panicking as they try to recall their ever-changing schedule, Kyoutani somehow always snaps out of his typical glaring at the sight of his door slightly ajar.

And he'd always close it.

Even when they're just walking by his door. 

He does it at night too. Or whenever Yahaba bursts into his room to do his homework with Kyoutani (somehow, they've fallen into that habit after the first night Yahaba decided that intruding upon Kyoutani wouldn't necessarily mean a death wish), Kyoutani would get up and shut the door indifferently if Yahaba didn't close it all the way.

As Yahaba steps outside, he raises his eyes at Minnie, who ignores him and claws at Kyoutani's door.

Reluctant due to his own envy that he doesn't get that much attention from her, he hesitates before opening Kyoutani's door, and letting Minnie slip in. Shutting it afterwards, he turns around to only face Shiba. "Minnie hates you, you know." He states flatly. Shiba thumps his tail against the ground lazily. "Fine. You can sleep with me tonight." He whistles, and the dog bounds up happily, as they head to his room.

"You're lucky I like your owner, or else I would've locked you and your slobbering tongue outside." He sighs scathingly, as the dog claims his bed unabashedly and begins shedding over his sheets. Yahaba then falters, as he rewinds what he said aloud in his head. Well, he guesses that much is true. He does like Kyoutani- they're friends now. 

At that conclusion, he nearly trips onto his bed as Shiba licks his knee. He recalls the embarrassment scorching across Kyoutani's face as he admitted how much they meant to him, even if they weren't even that close. It was sad in a way. But Kyoutani automatically thought that even his relationship with Yahaba, despite their recent despair for each other, was worthy of friendship.

And though Kyoutani is just an acquaintance that he sorta became friends with because Watari became buddy-buddy with him, he finds Kyoutani endearing in his own way. Meaning that Yahaba supposes that really, having Kyoutani as a friend isn't the worst in the world. And not just a pity-friendship, an actual one. So really, if he finds it weird or mortifying that he calls Kyoutani a friend, that would be such a dick move of him.

"Well. I guess your owner is my friend now." He mutters, feigning a tearful sigh as he strokes Shiba (who is evidently growing onto him too, he notes with a grunt). "I wonder if Kyoutani really knows what it's like to be friends with someone." He says, despite the obvious answer. But he felt horrible saying it anyways. "No wonder he didn't want me to hug him." He chuckles bitterly, spitting against Shiba's fur (because Shiba is as dickish as her owner, since she felt the need to curl up against his face and assaulting her wet-dog stench onto him). "I don't think it's just him 'not understanding friends hug each other' as a huge factor. His dad is such a horrible person." 

He envisions Kyoutani's desperation of defending his father from days ago.

And he wants to fight Kyoutani's father at the back parking lot of Walmart as he was slapped, basically betrayed by Kyoutani's absolutely raw and genuine belief that his father wasn't a bad man.

But he doesn't tell Kyoutani that. Because to do that, would be disrespecting Kyoutani's ability of judgement, no matter his own beliefs that are rooted in his head. He knows he has to trust Kyoutani to an extent.  _But what's the limit? Is the limit even farther ahead of letting Kyoutani love and even protect the image of his own father- and not even out of shame but out of genuine belief that his father isn't that bad?_

 _Even worse, he didn't understand the fact that everyone could be easily connected._ He recalls Kyoutani's flicker of innocent wide eyes. That wasn't out of interest. That was out of confusion. As if he didn't truly believe what Yahaba said, believing that the existence of everyone knowing each other so easily could ever happen, even though it's quite common since they all played volley ball and have social media.

When Kyoutani doesn't understand, he's scoffing and shoving his worksheet up to Yahaba for help.

That wasn't confusion, it was disbelief.  _How sad is it for a child to never understand people can be connected with each other so easily, to have so many friends._

His lips tightening into a grimace. But he wonders if Shiba could feel it, since she whines and bats her paw against his eye.

"Thanks."

Another lick.

 _Guess after four days, this will be what makes me actually take a shower,_ he thinks dryly.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned for next chapter: where I decide that I'm done just doing a shitload of character analysis and instead pull shit onto the two of them :^)
> 
> In other words: Yahaba's family, possibly something about or with Kyoutani's dad, Iwa-mom returns, and Watari is still the man.


	9. afdsnkgjad;g im back bit ches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guess who actually has a plot (no id ont)
> 
> Yahaba can't believe he's having his gay awakening from another dude that punched him in the face at McDonalds and enjoys Buzzfeed out of literally anything else.
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO:
> 
> when Kyoutani mentions 'The phone doesn't ring', take good note of that. (He's waiting for his dad to possibly call him. Poor kid.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't. Yall idk how to write romance AT ALL
> 
> ALSO AHLSKDJ:SAD THIS CHAPTER IS SO BAD IM SO SORRY
> 
> like 
> 
> shit  
> fuck  
> what
> 
> i like. say i'll write romantic ships. it's such a fucking lie what the hell why would you write a ormantic fic when you feel absolutely nothing towards the ship in general in anything other than best friends.
> 
> Im so bad at this.
> 
>  
> 
> Lord of the Flies: what the fuck
> 
> Lord of the Flies = beezlebub = satan (or the second highest demon according to the Bible, but occasionally related to Satan himself)
> 
> What the fuck William Golding.
> 
> And also jACK you're such a psychopath.

The phone doesn't ring, Yahaba consistently ignores him in school, and Oikawa is oddly cautious around him.

Kyoutani bets his remaining dignity and will to live that the reason for Oikawa's odd glances is because he smacked him. The great news is: Oikawa is still a dick.

This makes Kyoutani feel better about randomly whacking him in the face. 

Iwaizumi still talks to him, and actually urged him to apologize while stating Oikawa probably did something to deserve it anyways. Which was actually also great news too, because honestly without Iwaizumi's encouragement Kyoutani highly doubts that he would've instigated any social interaction with Oikawa alone. He'd be too scared he'd accidentally say something that would form a contract, since that's what always happens in stories when someone converses unknowingly with a demon. 

Oikawa promptly accepted his apology with a theatrical flourish of his hands and a glitter of purgatory in his eyes, and Kyoutani was lowkey prepared to hit him again, but it was much too late by that point and he was already set towards his impending doom when Hanamaki and Kuroo, a surprisingly in sync pair of memes, dragged him away towards the bathroom to accomplish Oikawa's request that he swore wasn't created because he was bitter and trying to reestablish his masculinity.

Kyoutani was absolutely traumatized as they clogged the toilet while flushing down Mentos into it with fizzed soda, with Kyoutani being the one to hold the wad of towel paper to plug in place as water gushes everywhere and inevitably onto him.

 

Kyoutani, used to feeling bad for himself, is able to recognize his distinct sense of empathy towards the janitor.

 

And it's as if the entire team simply accepted what was in the past was in the past. They were actually treating him a lot better than they did before, which is quite surprising, considering Kinoshita and Narita's sudden need to talk to him every five minutes despite Kyoutani bristling in obvious rejection towards their acquaintanceship out of surprise. 

He seriously thought Iwaizumi would've broken his arm since while he definitely loves to shittalk about Oikawa the same why Oikawa does that with everyone but like, in their faces, he most definitely was fond with Oikawa since they were childhood friends. 

He would've also assumed his only friends would've been Yahaba and Watari (surprisingly, it's as if everyone elses' roles and Yahaba flipped, since Yahaba is practically allergic to him outside of home), but it's as if everyone else suddenly found his violent feat a reason to become friends with him. Did they all just hate Oikawa that much? Or did someone talk with them.

At that unexpected realization that he was most definitely not fucking prepared for, he can feel his entire heart, stability, and lungs collapse in unison, all of them starting after a couple seconds of blearily peering through watery eyes and fighting away strangling thoughts as he hacks out his lungs. Eyeing Watari suspiciously from across the court, Kyoutani has a silent struggle as to whether or not to voice his curiosity to Watari, since no way in hell would Oikawa not attempt to milk everything of Kyoutani's actions to drown him in a glass of drama.

"Mad Dog!" 

Cringing briefly at that nickname that's literally just a mash of his first and last name, Kyoutani suddenly wishes he could hit Oikawa again. Instead, he just pivots on his heels and turns to Oikawa, who's wearing his calculating grin once more, a large palm up in a wave.

Wanting to simply ignore the irritating brat, Kyoutani disgruntedly muses that Oikawa still has the upperhand over his already tattered reputation, therefore he reluctantly waves in response. 

"How are you?"

"That sounds suspicious." Kyoutani replies shortly, warily staring at Oikawa's unblemished visage that seemingly healed over the past couple meets that Kyoutani avoided like like an America towards national peace. "I'm going to go over there now-" 

"Haha, wait no, I need to talk to you in private." A calloused hand grips onto Kyoutani's wrist, and _holy shit_ he's being violated. "Pfft, I don't bite! You're the one with the nickname 'Mad Dog' after all!" Oikawa chortles, his grip tightening, and Kyoutani knows that he's going to die today. And knowing Oikawa, he won't even get a proper funeral.

Dragging him over the corner of the gym, Oikawa doesn't release his hold on Kyoutani, which only makes the skin around his grasp flare up as if he's like, allergic, or something to Oikawa. Unsure on how to react to a rather familiar sensation of being held so tightly by the arm and yanked along like a ragdoll, he wants to fight. But he knows Oikawa has no intent to truly hurt, and so instead, he just twists his wrist in an attempt to signal to Oikawa that he seriously cannot do this right now. 

"Is everything okay at home?" 

Kyoutani blinks, taking a moment to digest what Oikawa just said, and almost instinctively, his hand that is currently on fire, snatches out of Oikawa's in a hurry. "I'm sorry. But can you give me the definition?" He snaps, his hackles shifting upwards defensively as the nausea residing in his stomach suddenly churns in response to the question, and to the harsh grip that Kyoutani cannot help but relate to another one that he felt often through his life. 

"Definition is me asking bluntly if you're being abused at your home."

And as Kyoutani stares at Oikawa passively, his body stiff in a way to prevent sudden panic or change, Kyoutani first unplugs his thoughts and sudden turmoil of emotions that he doesn't know how to deal with properly in such haste, and opens his mouth, feeling his tongue heavy and dry against his palate as he says: "no. Why?"

Kyoutani doesn't need an answer. 

Only two real people know about his situation. 

And only one of them is acting as if they're allergic to him. 

He already knows why Oikawa has that idea, and who gave it to him. Hint: both are the same answer. 

"No reason." Oikawa answers offhandedly.

And Kyoutani knows that both of them already mutually understood that the other one is lying, since Oikawa says nothing to justify his otherwise totally unexpected question. "Hey, do some blocks with Tetsu on court, okay," Oikawa pops his knuckles as he stands up stretching. "Ah, that man's hair looks as if he's been fucked sideways with a microwave and got plastic surgery instead of a haircut from a dentist, but he's undoubtedly good at his position." He makes a face. "Good work, by the way." Oikawa says as he heads back to the middle of the court.

Kyoutani takes a couple seconds to regain sensation in his locked knees and numbed emotions.

* * *

Yahaba glances over at Oikawa who just returned from pulling Kyoutani aside, and stares a bit longer at Kyoutani, who remains slouched in the corner. At this, Yahaba purses his lips, wondering exactly what Oikawa said to him. Because while Oikawa is definitely quite the charismatic talker, there are times when he can be slightly resentful and bitter because he's a petty-ass bitch (Hanamaki's words and his own experiences speaking, not his own words) and comes off....stronger than he could be. 

"You should go talk to him if you're that worried." 

"Shut up." Yahaba mutters without even glancing at Watari who hovers over. "It's not like I don't talk to him."

"Yeah. But only at home."

"It's weird if I talk to him outside of school! And everytime I talk to him some of my classmates come up to me and ask if he's been threatening me and they're always so nosy." he crinkles his nose. He wants to comment 'asshole' to those classmates, but at the same time, he can't necessarily grade their judgmental personalities so harshly when he can understand that Kyoutani's personality and reputation is already controversial and something of a stigma to everyone, including him at one point. 

"Then tell them off, don't avoid him. You think you're actually helping him by suddenly avoiding him?" Watari scowls, and Yahaba can hear his voice entrenched in disappointment. "Such a failure."

"You're the one who had an average of forty-six for math."

"That was in middle school you prick-waffle."

"Aren't you supposed to be practicing with Tanaka." 

"Aren't you supposed to be a good person and a good friend?" 

At this, Yahaba glowers darkly at Watari, who seems not the least bit apologetic. "Talk to him. I can tell he's convincing himself that he's totally okay with you being a two-faced, back-stabbing toaster strudel to him. He's literally not blaming you for anything even though I'm pretty sure eventually he will, and rightly so." Watari sighs, as he returns to Tanaka who hadn't noticed his partner even disappeared, as he's now trying to give Asahi (nice dude) a piggy back ride, while Nishinoya is simultaneously tossing over balls for Asahi to spike down. "Trust me. When he blames you for being a dick, your relationship might be irreparable by that point." And Yahaba shudders unexpectedly at that warning. 

Then, Watari hitches Nishinoya onto his shoulders. Seriously Watari's starting to wonder if this entire school has a single responsible adult. Looking for the coach, he finds the said teacher reading a Food Network magazine. He glances over at Ushijima, the one who's suspected to take over the team next year. He's currently conversing with Iwaizumi. Ushijima is surprisingly on very good terms with Iwaizumi, who looks mildly concerned at Nishinoya and his antics, but is held back by Terushima who is seemingly enjoying the show. 

Really Yahaba wonders if Sugawara and Daichi who are currently in a different college, not remotely concerned about the fact that the rest of their teammates are supposed to adult when they're clearly all going to die before the age of thirty.

"TALK TO HIM!" 

Jumping, Yahaba whirls around to see Watari screaming at him from the other side of the net while trying to stabilize the midget on his shoulders. At this, Yahaba first flips off his friend, before awkwardly walking over to Kyoutani, who for some reason, is still sulking in the corner. Perhaps someone on the team was being rude to him? At that concerning thought, any hesitance at approaching Kyoutani disappears.

He thought Oikawa had already told everyone off for avoiding Kyoutani, and that he was really actually quite a good boy with just obvious anger issues. And everyone, who's already juggling courses, sleep-deprivation, caffeine overdose, and Oikawa's own personality, they really didn't find judging one of their own teammates a huge priority, so legit everyone was quite okay with giving him a second chance even though half of this entire team at first were pretty afraid of being smacked aside with a flyswatter if they talk to him.

 _"Talk to him._ " Whirling around, he stares stunned at Matsukawa and his dead, cold, eyes. "I can see Watari having a cardiac arrest over there so I'm just repeating whatever his message means to you for the sake of his well-being." He states, before stalking away.

Rolling his eyes theatrically because he knows that Watari is probably glaring at him, he awkwardly hovers close to Kyoutani, before inhaling sharply, and waving towards him. However, Kyoutani isn't dumb, and most likely, have noticed that Yahaba has been awkwardly avoiding him earlier today. And yesterday. And the day before that in school. Jesus must've casted a miracle for Kyoutani to not have brought it up every time they walked home in a slightly uncomfortable silence, and hung out and mostly watched movies at home while not really studying together.

"Hey, Kyoutani-"

Kyoutani glances at him with an unreadable expression, which is slightly worrisome, since Kyoutani wasn't the type to even know how to mask his emotions. "Just wondering, what did Oikawa talk to you about? You seem....kinda out of it."

"Oh. I wonder why."  _Oh shit._ Yahaba recoils slightly at the obvious acidicity melting through his spat out words. Kyoutani was always extremely explosive, loud, angry. He was never stewing in resentment or bitterness without being very, very obvious about it. So for him to be seething rather than attempting homicide is somehow more concerning. Yahaba takes a moment to review that observation and wonders if he should be contacting the police.

"What happened?" Yahaba asks.

"Tch. Like you wouldn't know." Kyoutani growls, his lip wrinkling back into a savage scowl that pairs with a wrinkle of his nose. "Yahaba, seriously....you had to tell everyone." He snaps. 

Yahaba takes a good solid second to think about every single secret he promised to keep but he still spread. 

_Hanamaki buying two cats off of Craigslist._

_Kageyama going into a food coma and woke up in Yahaba's lawn even though they never talked before that, and then being invited into his house for pancakes and Yahaba taught him how to play Super Mario Kart._

_When Iwaizumi broke into 7/11 to use their microwave._

_That one time when Kindaichi accidentally mixed laxatives and nutrition fiber up the day of his theater auditions and ended up shitting himself on stage but_  still _got the part_.

_Terushima making out with an Ikea lamp head drunk while actually in Ikea that one night when all former team leaders went out drinking when they all turned of age._

_When he caught Kiyoko stealing Oikawa's hair dryer._

The only ones he can think of with Kyoutani are all just his random rants to Watari. And the one that  _everyone_ already knew of Kyoutani possibly being a cult worshiper who sacrifices cats in his freetime, so really, he shouldn't be held accountable for mentioning that.

"What did I exactly tell everyone?" Yahaba purses his lips, because he refuses to take bullshit from anyone, especially a teammate. "Because I can't think of anything I spread relating to you at the very least."

Kyoutani just arches an eyebrow in a show that he's clearly unimpressed, and Yahaba feels sudden exasperation that literally knocks into him out of  _nowhere,_ and holy shit he's not prepared for emotions because as he stares at the sudden flicker of obvious hurt crossing Kyoutani's features, a nauseating churn in his stomach just creates this concoction of panic.

He really, really doesn't want to return to whatever their fucking relationship was before. Because as he reminisces in the past (he can hear Watari making a snide 'it was two weeks man' comment), he can definitely see that he may have been  _slightly_ harsh upon Kyoutani, and perhaps a bit judgmental (he blames that on Oikawa and his leadership). It's actually pretty disheartening, that they were even locked in such a sense of resentment for each other when they never really met or talked to each other during that period of time.

And staring at Kyoutani who makes his way towards Hanamaki and Bokuto, leaving their argument stunted and obviously done by that point, he thinks he crashed his brain. Because  _holllly shit._  

Running to Watari, a sense of sickness stewing within him that this is totally Kyoutani's fault because what the fuck man, but also feeling that maybe Kyoutani thought he might've said something if he's been avoiding him these past couple days in public, he simultaneously wants to talk things out with Kyoutani while his pride is telling him to prove his masculinity by fighting a bitch.

"WATARI!" He hisses, knocking into the boy.

"Oh. Hey dude. Yeah, what the fuck man. I actually started doing real practice with Noya and you're interrupting? Rude. Go gossip with Oikawa." Watari shakes his head, subconsciously twirling the ball in his hand. "Let me guess. Kyoutani is finally done with your bs."

"I'm suing the shit out of this gym." Yahaba wheezes.

"What an opening line." Watari snorts. 

"It's not my fault." Yahaba spits, completely ignoring Watari's satirical timbre.

"It really is."

"No he's blaming me for something I didn't do, and now he's avoiding me!"

"Well. You avoided him for like. The past twenty-seven hours on and off." Watari then sends him a flat look. "Gee, Yahaba, stop sending mixed signals." 

Yahaba narrows his eyes.

"Water-i."

"Stop."

"Wattery."

"I swear-"

"Watchery."

"Yahaba. I can't right now-"

"Waspery."

At this, Watari gives him a look of utter disgust and disappointment, before calling over to Nishinoya for a break, and turning to Yahaba with a look that conveys: 'you're a failure'. "Okay. I give you five minutes."

"Maybe I shouldn't have avoided Kyoutani, but now he's saying I spread something about him? I don't know what though and like what the heck he has such an attitude even though I kinda get that but still-"

"So in other words, your pride is getting in your way. Again. And then you're going to say, 'why do I have to be the mature one', when you're already aware that clearly Kyoutani is less....socially.....capable...." Watari gestures in a desperate attempt to describe Kyoutani's absolute idiocy and social awkwardness and incapability in a nice way. "Stop blaming it on him because you just don't want to take responsibility."

Yahaba knots his lips in disdain, glaring at Watari's passiveness.

"Besides. You're just upset because you're scared that you did something wrong again like you did in the beginning with Kyoutani." Watari continues. "That's probably why you're being a hormonal teenager and not in a vegetative and non-functioning state of being of someone who only partially works on caffeine." He expounds, and Yahaba crosses his arms, but doesn't interrupt. "Also. Most likely Oikawa said something stupid."

"Oikawa isn't stupid."

"He isn't."

If anything, Oikawa is the wittiest and quickest physically and mentally in their entire team, whose mind is wired for intelligence that practically ascended to a God realm due to his effort and ability to understand others and himself. 

Doesn't mean he's not a meme.

"Ah. I hated Oikawa." Tanaka says, trapezing into their conversation. "Still do."

"Don't you hate your old teammate? Tsukishima?" Watari replies easily, and Yahaba wonders how Watari could initiate conversations with everyone so easily.

"OH I _do_." Tanaka snorts, his voice becoming one of the national signal of: 'i got shit to say'. "But the thing is, we at least take enjoyment in tormenting our enemies. Problem with Oikawa is that while he does buy us food, he always flaunts off by showing up with an armful of girls in the stands." He scoffs, and Yahaba stifles a snort. "City boy."

"How do you feel about Kyoutani?" Yahaba suddenly asks, surprised he's even questioning him. 

At this, Tanaka gives him a surprisingly tame, if not startled, countenance. "I like him. I know you don't really like him,"  _well I did avoid him every time we're at practice._ "But he's really a good boy. Quiet even though he can be pretty aggressive, but I like it!" He smirks. 

Yahaba doesn't doubt it. Tanaka has a love for flipping his finger off at literally anything that breathes. 

"You should talk to him more. Take this from your senior." Tanaka clasps his hand against Yahaba's back. 

"Aren't....we the same age?" Yahaba states, blinking glassily at the bald man.

"Of course not. Clearly Tanaka is older, he has no hair." Watari states.

"LIKE YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!" Tanaka flares up. "Besides, I'm born early in the year, March third!" He growls.

"Oh. Ha. I'm born at March first." Yahaba answers with a shit-eating grin that Kuroo has been teaching him.

A pregnant pause settles among them. 

"I am this close to hitting you." Tanaka states, his voice unusually flat. 

"Your fingers are touching."

"Exactly." Tanaka grins.

Yahaba takes a moment to process.

He runs, and he hears another pair of rapid footsteps behind him.

* * *

Shifting nervously, Yahaba waits for Kyoutani outside of the locker room. He knows that Kyoutani will be one of the last to leave. At least by this point, he has the most obvious understanding as to why Kyoutani insists on changing last when no one is staring. 

"Yahaba. I know you're out there. You can leave first."

"Idiot. I have the keys to my house." Yahaba snorts, attempting to lighten whatever atmosphere revolves around their relationship due to their previous interaction. "Hey. Kyoutani. About earlier....I actually don't know what I said. I'm sorry if something happened though." He clears his throat, and Yahaba had to practically choke those words out. Wow he really hates thinking himself as arrogant, because honestly, he has nothing against apologizing, especially if it resolves tension over his volleyball team. However, due to their previous relationship that's basically both of them sizing each other up and thinking the other as inferior (or at least on his part), it's kind of hard to shake off whatever _that_  competitive phase between them was.

Then, a muffled voice from inside states: "does everyone else know about my dad?"

And coldness washes over Yahaba. 

Oikawa talked to Kyoutani earlier, and left Kyoutani looking stunned and like a weirdo hiding in the corner.

And nothing escapes Oikawa. Of course Oikawa would notice. And though Yahaba typically trusts Oikawa's decisions, mentioning whatever he did notice to Kyoutani directly rather than keeping it to himself, was probably not the best choice considering how Kyoutani compares Oikawa to Satan's lunchbox.

"No." Yahaba answers lightly.

"Oh."

Silence ensures, and Yahaba cannot stop thinking. And he feels angry. Slightly. Not necessarily towards Oikawa, because it's not his fault, but at the same time, cannot help the resentment that builds up in him because Kyoutani suffered through this entire day, with the unstable and shaky thought that everyone knew his deepest secret that he deemed shameful and too complicated for others to truly understand, to truly empathize with. 

He suffered this entire day with the notion that something happened, something that he can never truly resolve, cannot truly fix, cannot repair and never get rid of for the rest of his young adult life. 

"Kyoutani....whatever Oikawa told you...."

"It was nothing."

"Trust me. That's just Oikawa. H-he, you know how he's like," he's stammering. and Yahaba doesn't know if he's attempting to defend Oikawa, reassure Kyoutani, or convince himself that whatever Oikawa said wasn't that bad. 

All three choices sound either risky, selfish, or insensitive. 

"Trust me, nobody else knows. Nobody, and if anyone does, I promise I'll tell you and beat them up with a stick Kyoutani trust me I won't-"

The door opens, and Kyoutani steps out in his sweatershirt, with an odd gloss coating his eyes as well as an unsure smile that twists between indifference and a grin. "I just....I don't know. Just relieved nobody else knew. Sorry for accusing you."

And Yahaba feels extreme guilt.

Because it took him so much to apologize, while Kyoutani did it seamlessly and genuinely. 

"It's fine." He squeaks.

Yahaba doesn't really know what to do when Kyoutani's unsure purse of lips turn into a shy smile. 

* * *

 "Fuck I'm dying." Yahaba screeches as the other side of the line picks up on the third ring.

_"Great. I heard Balkan is efficient enough to knock out all your problems."_

"I think drinking will make it worse." Rustling is heard on the other side of the phone, and when Watari speaks again, obvious concern is laced in his tone.

_"Do you have a fever?"_

Yahaba glances back at the thermometer on his drawer. "I don't think so." He states. He doesn't bother removing himself out of his bed however, since he's extremely sure that he's sick.

_"What are your symptoms?"_

"It's like my emotions are now more haywire. I don't know. But like it's more intense, like earlier I felt guilty with Kyoutani, and that guilt was nauseating."

_"I would too, if I was a horrible person to him."_

Yahaba continues without a retort. "And I don't know? They make me feel different?"

_"Are you sure you're not finally going through puberty?"_

This time, Yahaba makes an unintelligent noise between a hiss and a scoff. "Are you going to take me seriously?"

_"Well. I was."_

"Anyways, I don't know. Like. I randomly wake up in my sleep sometimes and I have to get up and make sure I'm actually living with another person since you know. I'm not really used to other people actually being at home after sis left."

_"Maybe you're just finally figuring out you're lonely and pathetic and was destined to live and die alone."_

"And I get really sad whenever I see Kyoutani, like, sadder than usual. I don't know. I just feel super depressed when I remember why Kyoutani is with me, even though I really enjoy his presence, it's just sad whenever I remember exactly why he's even here in the first place."

_"I think you're just starting to learn how to have sympathy for others."_

"I get all sweaty! And my heart feels like I'm about to have a heart attack."

_"Are you sure it's not because of practice? Or maybe because you've been eating too much school lunches? You know those salads aren't meant to be edible. I took two days to digest their meatloaf, I swear, and God when I used the bathroom afterwards it was nasty."_

"Wow I didn't need to know that." Yahaba wrinkles his nose playfully, knowing that Watari probably already knows what his expression is even though they can't see each other.

_"Neither is your sickness, as it seems."_

"Watari this is serious. I searched up the symptoms and they all match."

_"Uh. Being a normal human being with emotions unlike the obvious psychopath you are?"_

"Seriously. Do you think....it's you know?"

_"What?"_

Yahaba pauses.

"Menopause?"

At the silence greeting him, and light beeping, Yahaba says: "Watari? Watari?" The beeping continues, and Yahaba hangs up too with a scoff, tossing his phone aside. 

Watari hung up on him.

* * *

In complete reality, Yahaba has no idea why he's suddenly feeling this way.

He wouldn't know.

Glancing at Kyoutani who seems enraptured by the YouTube video they're watching, Yahaba flinches as he sees Kyoutani also cringe, and he averts his eyes away from the boy and back to the screen, where the drawing of Sallie zooms in. "We're college students who cannot stop watching or else the ghosts will surely reach us." Kyoutani whispers shakliy.

"Um. You don't really believe in this right?" Yahaba cocks an eyebrow.

"The flashlight freaking flickered!" Kyoutani snarls, but not of anger, but possible anxiousness. "Dude if we get murdered by the Axeman I'm sacrificing you first since you'd be a lighter loss than me having to listen to jazz music."

"Yes. Because the Axeman, to be alive in this century, must be part of the last theory where he's the devil's apprentice associated with hell, and he will shrink down into a tiny figure and then grow into a lumberjack. Yes. Yes Kyoutani. Because  _that_ is somehow more believable than some asshole who just happens to love bragging in his great kill streak of murdering people who are  _asleep._ "

"Yes! That's why we can't sleep."

"Or we could stop watching."

"Um. No. Buzzfeed Unsolved just released their newest season." Kyoutani contorts his face. And Yahaba feels slight pity that Kyoutani has never actually used YouTube before entering his household (because apparently Kyoutani's childhood just consists of playing out in the river behind his woods and capturing frogs, and his high school years as an emo loner who enjoys baking apparently), but also feeling utter regret for showing him this series.

Because fuck sleep since obviously paranoia and paranormal are similar in spelling. And here they are, on their twentieth episode, too scared to actually close the laptop since that means they have to deal with silence, and sleep means obvious death from a possible serial killer.

"Fuck fuck fuck." Kyoutani is practically praying, and then, he's suddenly hissing something in English.

"What?"

"I just prayed to our Lord and Savior to deliver us from this world from caffeine overdose and a cardiac arrest if a serial killer does appear in my room tonight." He translates.

"Oh my God."

"Shut up."

"I hate you. We need to watch something else-"

"No!"

And then they're fighting over Yahaba's laptop, but neither actually shutting it because like hell they're going to condemn themselves into an creepy silence with only a lamp light on at two in the morning. "Crap can we go to your room?" Kyoutani asks. "Sitting in the living room makes me feel like there's too much room for some masked creep to be hiding in."

"Shit we should've never trusted anything with Buzzfeed."

"God we should've never trusted anything by Americans. They're wild. Like what the hell they  _slept_ in a supposedly haunted room what the fuck man." Kyoutani cusses. 

"Shut up. You might summon a demon with all that cursing." Yahaba hisses, suddenly feeling freaked out even though he believes in none of this ghost bullshit. He might not have any faith in the supernatural, but humans wielding knife and a good amount of moral instability is very, very real. "Crap go, go into my room, run!"

And they topple into Yahaba's room, and he slams the door shut. 

"I'm not leaving for the rest of the night. I'm staying here." Kyoutani snaps. And Yahaba snorts, but doesn't question it. After a couple days, it's been cleared between them that since they already expected the worst out of each other since the beginning, that they practically have no shame in their emotions by this point, even though the first few days that Kyoutani stayed with him they all tried their best to shelter any emotions that the other might deem shameful enough to mock. By this point though, they don't even give a shit since if they end up dead in their beds disemboweled, might as well be disemboweled together.

"If you fucking move at night I'm going to deck you by the way." Yahaba threatens. "If I see your shadow towering over me because you want to get some water or something, I will not hesitate to try and kill you. Self-defense man."

Kyoutani sticks his tongue out at this, and Yahaba feels a swelling sensation that practically suffocates him and  _holy shit what the fuck is this._

"You okay?" Kyoutani suddenly asks with a squint.

"Huh?"

"You look constipated."

At this, the aphyxiation declines slightly, but a strange tingle of fondness makes him want to scuff the kid on the head.

Or kill him.

Really either works.

"Shut it." He scowls, as they crawl onto the bed, opening the laptop. "Who am I more scared of. The Boy in the Box or Byakuya-senpai?" He hums. "I guess it doesn't matter. It's not like nobody sleeps in his class, and this entire school is literally like every single anime as it follows Rule forty-eight of anime: there's no such thing as a responsible adult in any anime who actually takes care of children due to their respective positions. Every adult is absent or incompetent." He shrugs. 

"I have him tomorrow too. But, it's okay. We all know we're not going to sleep tonight anyways." Kyoutani grins mirthlessly.

"I'm not prepared to see the Boy in the Box in my nightmares tonight." Yahaba whispers.

At this, Kyoutani shifts onto his elbows, staring at his face as they awkwardly somehow fit their two bodies of a young adult onto a single bed. "You're scared of a victim of a brutal murder and mysterious?"

"No. It's just that his face is most definitely going to haunt me in my sleep."

At this, Kyoutani rolls his eyes, as he continues the video. "Yesterday you made me watch Sailor Moon, let me have this."

"Hey! If I had to suffer through it with my sister, I might as well pass on the family tradition. You live in this house, then you participate with the house." Yahaba clicks his tongue. "Besides, you liked it!"

"And I like this too! So watch it with me!" He gripes. And as Yahaba settles on his stomach beside Kyoutani, watching as the blond one (Shawn?) lies down on the pentagram where it's been reported devil worshipping activities were active. "What the fuck is he stupid? Why would you even _do_ that?" Kyoutani recoils, and Yahaba cringes for an absolutely other reason, since Kyoutani has grasped in his arm as they watch the blond start screaming: 'dey-mOn'.

"God knows why, but then again he's white and an American. Maybe it's a white person thing?" Yahaba murmurs.

"Does that explain why Ryan doesn't scream for ghosts to eat their souls?" Kyoutani whispers, and Yahaba wants to shift his arm out of Kyoutani's loose grasp, but he doesn't for some reason, despite the burning of Kyoutani's palm beaded with sweat. 

"No. Ryan is stupid too, he's the one who decides to go to these places." Yahaba shakes his head. "Also, you're really warm." He adds offhandedly.

"Pft. And you're super cold. You feel like those cold slaps of salamis."

"The heck man."

Kyoutani opens his mouth possibly to explain himself, only for Ryan to start screaming from the screen, and Kyoutani, probably by habit by this point, is screaming too, his lax grip tightening like a vice all of a sudden, and Yahaba finds himself screaming seconds later too, before laughing.

And Kyoutani, scowling, laughs within seconds as well.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um.
> 
> fun fact. it's really plausible i'm aromantic (not sure since like. idk. everyone's telling me it's a phase. and like, I can't really deny taht because what if i do fall in love later in life? like I don't know. because aromantic is literally a term that can change with one emotion but at the same time, i seriously feel no sense of romantic attraaction? for anything? and for anyone? and i personally value platonic relationships a lot) and like. 
> 
> The more i write this.  
> the less i find motivation to write out any advancement in romance. I don't know why. Because there's nothing wrong with romance, I find it enjoyable to read in books and etc. But I don't know how to describe an emotion I never felt in a romantic sense. I literally dread writing their romantic growth because i literally don't know how.

**Author's Note:**

> lol rip Kyoutani


End file.
